I get a little bit…she gets a lot more…

     We talked today, that boy of mine and myself, about such serious things.  We talked about our worries about us, and wouldn’t fate have it that our worries run quite along the same track.  He worried that I was on the verge of a breakup…I worried that he had merely chosen to "settle" for me, which if I’d felt any surer about, would have caused me to break it off with him. 
     I won’t lie…I cried a little at some of the things we talked about(silently…it wouldn’t do for him to know).  It’s such a strange thing we have going on…80% friendship 20% romance?  Who knows…a lot of "I miss you’s" and apparently a lot of questioning from friends who don’t get "us".  Then again I don’t get "us" half the time. 
     But it was somewhat purging to have this talk…and to know that I mean something, and I guess just bring us back to that place where we see eye-to-eye and know where we stand.  I’ve never had this problem with a guy before…I’ve never been in such a strange relatioship where we have to reaffirm basically our whole relationship periodically. 
     I miss the days when relationships were easy…I mean back in high school when you knew the protocall.  You held hands, hung out in each other’s rooms and wasted hours doing nothing, snuck around behind your parents backs to kiss and….other things.  You told each other you loved each other, and it just flowed perfectly the way it did in the movies. 
     Did those times really exist?  Or was it simply a role being played?  And the things felt then…were those real?  It seems unlikely as I come face-to-face with some uncomfortable revelations best kept to myself for now…and maybe forever. 

     Now I’m going to go sleep…I still feel sickly-like