it’s back & Botox.

This morning I was thinking about my old open diary account. My best friend passed away in 2010 and back in high school we had open diary accounts. we would leave each other notes, talk to each other. When the site got shut down I was sad i’d never read her comments again. This morning that sadness over came me.

Obviously when I checked my email I was stunned. it’s back!

I am restoring my old diary contents and I can’t wait to reread 13 year old Chelsea, and all of her high school adventures.

My my how life has changed.

This week has been a gong show. I hate day light savings time, we should petition and get it abolished. We don’t need it anymore, it’s dumb and loosing an hour really messes someone up for longer than a day.

I am getting botox on Friday, i’m excited. No not in my face in my arm pits and I hear it’s life changing. I haven’t worn colours or a t-shirt, sweater, or anything fun in over 13 years. I only wear black tank tops with loose sweaters, button ups, over top. i only wear sleeve less black dresses. no colours ever, nothing with a sleeve.

That is changing and I can’t wait.

A coworker turned to me and said “oh it’s the little things in life” and I just looked at her and said do you know what it’s like to be 14 and buy your t-shirts in doubles? so you can change? Do you know what it’s like to duck tape your shirts, put pads in them? do you know what it’s like to look at your closet and only see black?

Years ago I had to wear a yellow bridesmaid dress. I had that dress on for 20 minutes, and the pit stains were already massive. (I sweat, hot, cold, doing nothing, I just sweat) I stood in front of a fan trying to dry them, no. In every pictures my arms are down, the photographer wanted us to jump throw our hands in the air. I jumped, but arms were not in the air, and they haven’t been in years.

at 11 I would be washing my white clothes in a bucket of bleach. trying to get out the yellow sweat stains. 11. I would cry, not knowing why this was happening to me.

I tried this weird deodorant that just gave me rashes and I’d cry from the pain.

I realized around 19 that I sweat less in tank tops, and I always knew black was the colour that hid the sweat the most. I haven’t worn anything else since.

I get new clothes and no one has a clue. “It’s just another black tank top, can’t you wear a colour ever? what about dark blue at least its not the same old black,” people rolling their eyes at my wardrobe…

Friday. I can’t wait.