A Little Pain, Unbelievable Happiness.

 My dearest Readers,

Here is a little update for you all:

Ninja and I are no longer dating, we broke up. October 3rd or 4th. He’s been bugging me a lot since then. For example, I’ll get 10 texts for every 1 I’ve sent. Or things of that nature. He’s said he’s "heard rumors" about me. He says people have told him that i’m a slut, and I’ve slept with a bunch of guys, and i’ve been with a bunch of guys, and I’m really into drugs now. Apparently all I care about is myself. Which is wrong. They are confusing me with a girl I’m going to call Cat. I’m nothing like she was. He’s apparently my "best friend" but it’s so easy for him to believe that i’m a slut, so I’m giving up. I can’t talk to him if all it’s gonna be is fighting. I can’t act happy when I talk to him, because all I feel is anger. I don’t want to be fighting with him, but I can’t let my guard down, and that fuels the anger. If I allow things to go back to the way they had been, then I give up everything I stand for.

I’ve gotten really close to Star. We’d be together, but we’re waiting. He’s in basic training. He left yesterday. He’ll be back on December 20th for Christmas break, then he leaves for 2-3 months. I love the hell out of this boy. I’ve never felt like this about someone before. I’ve never been this happy and I’ve never seen myself with someone so perfectly before. I know this probably sounds a lot like Ninja and I, but I assure you it is different. I didn’t feel for ninja like I do for star. What can I say, I just love him.  When I’m with him it’s like the entire world melts away and he is the only other thing in existence. It’s like when I’m with him I am myself. More like me then I am when I am alone. When he isn’t with me, I feel like something is missing. I just don’t feel like myself. And when I am with him, I am happy, I am whole, I am free, I am complete. This isn’t meant to be cliche or anything like that, I only speak the truth. I just wish there was a way to show you all what this feels like. I just wish these words would become pictures and feelings to show you all what I really mean. Because the only way you could ever possibly understand is if you felt this on your own.

Alpha and I haven’t been talking too too much recently, but I wish we were.

My grades are slipping but I’m working on it.

Spider is leaving me.

Protector, if you read this, I really need you…

There is so much more that I want to say, but I’m not going to…

I really need to rewrite the color code, this is getting confusing.

Goodnight, Readers.
I love you! 
~♥EmieLove♥~