I’m Sorry

I’ve lost weight and I paint my face, but what difference does it make? In your eyes I see the hate, and resentment for me.

Is the very best of who I am enough to drown out the worst? I’m too afraid to ask. Too scared that the truth is gonna hurt.

It pains me that I’ve wasted all this time. I don’t know what to do to get you back to being mine.

Your expectations have changed and you’ve adapted. You say you know how to play my game. What you don’t realize is that I’m already the biggest loser in my own hall of fame.

I want to be us again but I don’t know how. It won’t be overnight. But tomorrow I might do something fucking stupid, piss you off, and start a fight.

How do you apologize for something you can’t explain? All I know how to do is drown my own pain. I put up barriers and make excuses. But without you beside me I don’t know what the use is.

You don’t see the strength that you give.

The way you show me how to live.

I promise I won’t leave again. I’m sorry. Please just tell me that this isn’t the end.