you would think so…

This week has been the worst week of the semester so far.. everything seems to be happening THIS week…concerts..midterms..regular tests..you name it. on top of it i am sick again…i started getting better..but this week got worse again….boo.

My biggest complaint of the day…orchestra. It’s really frustrating me that all i hear in orchestra are bad things, when i really am trying so hard. I don’t really know how to fix some of the problems i have either…..like..being louder…….always a problem for me. It got better when i got my new clarinet…im wondering if it will help when i get my new mouthpiece..god i hope so.. Theres got go be something im doing wrong to prevent me from being louder..but i don’t know what it is..i feel like i’m trying so hard, and everyone just says..thats not enough. When i feel like im doing all i can do and people tell me its not good enough its kind of upsetting honestly.. I just feel like i suck everytime i walk out of rehearsals. You would think..that after winning concerto i would FINALLY feel like i’m good…….doesn’t seem to be the case though.

I have two concerts this week, one on thurs and one on sat. I just had a dress rehearsal tonight for the one that is tomorrow..i just feel like i mess up a lot..and it drives me nuts. I have concentration issues..i know that, but i don’t know how to fix them. It’s really hard for me to focus completely on the music and nothing else when im playing. Im not really “into” it..like most people are i think. Thats something i have no idea how to fix either..Its just stupid things i screw up most of the time..because i stop concentrating for like two seconds.

im exhausted..i need to go to bed…