stop it..

I was sitting at work today, during a moment where I had nothing to do.  For a split second..I got excited and thought, i’ll call mom and chat. Is that weird…it happens once and awhile..  then I just got really sad.

I also had quite a few near tear moments. Those are still more frequent than the forgetting shes gone moments. I’d say almost daily I get almost upset. I get teared up, but it goes away.  I guess it’s a step up from crying everyday. There are only a few moments in particular that make me cry..maybe i’m supressing the rest, because there were a lot. Usually it’s when I think about being in the Hospice room with her at the end, her last breaths, and the burial. I’ll save the details on those for later.

You know, I’m not really sure why I feel the need to write in detail about my mom dying..maybe it will help? I’ve always been able to articulate my feelings better with writing than speaking.  I hope it doesn’t weird anyone out..