screw thissss

so..i should be studying for a test right now. I cant..i cant readddd this book. I havent been reading it as we went along in class ..which is my fault. I just hate reading..i cant learn from just reading a book..never have been able to. I either fall asleep, or im completely somewhere else..like im totally thinking about other things, and just reading the words on the page at the same time, not actually processing what im reading. this is why i dont read…because i have to read things like 78242 times before i really understand what i just looked at. UGH

im just going to fail this test…thats all…..

this is the busiest week ever..i had to teach in methods today..which actually wasnt a big deal. played in studio..from memory..ha..i screwed up a few times..but i just dont care anymoreeeee. I wasn’t really nervous when i was playing, which is a first. Even in studio i get nervous usually. anyway..tomorrow i have class til 3..teach a lesson at 430..so im done at 5. then i have wind ensemble dress rehearsal in the evening sometime..not sure what time. After that i might cram for this test..maybe not though..it seems a little impossible at this point. wed. is my worst day as usual..class and stuff til 6..usually have class from 630-9 but we have our concert that night..so im skipping obviously. My mom is coming so we’ll probly go get something to eat after. then i’ll go to bed? thurs i have class til two. Im supposed to have a resume due on friday for methods, but i really don’t see it happening. Im going to ask for an extension maybe. I just physically dont have time to sit down and do it. If im going to be actually using this thing in the real world i want it to be good…and it wont be if i have to write it in a couple hours. The only time i have from now til friday to spend time on this thing would be thurs from…2-my concert that night. I could start it..but im not going to sit there allllll day and do just that. id like to do other things i need to do too..like…PRACTICE…so thurs night is wind symph concert. Friday is as usual..an easy day. then im going home that night for break…well….”break”. I have…an 8-10 pg paper to write for one class, a 6-8 pg paper for another, some group work to do for a presentation, start looking at my finals for methods, and for conducting…..practice?? Although i am FINALLY going shopping for a new clarinet during break:):):):):) oh also id like to work a couple days…cause im poor as SHIT.:~/…well..i will be after i spend an ass load of $$ on a new clarinet.

im a little stressed………….