rude awakening

So Ive been going along the past few days doing my practicum, and today he had me work with the band a little bit. Needless to say i was freaking out and worrying about so much. I got up there..and it was akward. I got through it ok, we played the song, and i stopped and fixed a few things…but, idk if im going to make a very good teacher. I watch the two teachers im observing, and any teacher ive had..been taught by etc, and i just dont know if i can be..that. I know i have to find my own style and everything, but im very shy, and having a lot of trouble trying to get past that. Its just my personality. I was talking with the teacher after i had conducted and stuff, and he said that my main thing i need to work on (which was not a surprise to me) is being louder, more aggresive, and just more…out there. Its so hard for me…its hard for me to explain this. Its like, taking something you dont do naturally and being forced to do it. For me, being outgoing isnt natural. I have to completely change my personality, and i have no idea how to do that. Ive been struggling with it this past year and a half at fredonia. Youre put up in front of other people constantly and expected to perform and stuff like that. Im getting more comfortable with the people i go to school with, so its sloowwlllyy becoming easier for me, but i dont think it will ever be something that comes natural to me. Im really bad at telling people what to do, which sucks for me, cause thats what teachers do. Im not very assertive…and i need to be, or else i know kids will walk all over me.

idk..im just feeling a little..hopeless or something. I dont know how im going to ever get past this. What if i cant? How do u change your personality?? I am not one to give up on things..but this one scares me. I dont want to give up, and i will keep trying to get out of my shell..but its just like, i dont even know where to begin. Changing a personality seems so impossible to me..especially mine. Im getting really frustrated just writing and thinking about this..so im gonna leave it at that for now.