R.I.P Mom 6-22-08 part II

The next week after I got home was a lot of the same. I went back to work after a few days, but requested to work only mornings so I could be home as soon as possible to be with Mom.  Dad opens his store at 11-11:30 am usually, the earliest shift I could take at work allowed me to be out by 1pm, so I was home by 1:30.  It went okay for a little while, I’d just hang out upstairs, Mom was sleeping a lot by this point.  She’d call if she needed me..I’d run errands for my Dad that mom used to do..run my own errands..go out and get anything Mom wanted etc.  I rented Enchanted one day and watched it with Mom, she had been wanting to see it for awhile.  That was a good day, it was a cute movie, and it was good to see her laugh.  My brother had also dropped off some dvd’s for her to watch, in the pile was a dvd set of ollllld looney toons cartoons.  We watched some of those too one day, she liked those.

After about a week of this, she took a turn.  She was in a lot of pain and couldn’t keep down the pain meds Hospice had given her to swallow. After a really terrible night of throwing up Dad called hospice on Monday morning..I think it was June 9th.  They had a nurse come out and see her. I had called into work that day since Dad and I were up so late the night before with her.  I went to watch Dad’s store when the Hospice nurse came so he could come home and talk with her. After a long while they decided it would be best for Mom to go to the Hospice house until they could get her stable.  She didn’t want to go..but I think Dad talked her into it.  It was the best thing to do. I came home from Dad’s store to pack a bag for mom with the things she would need, then the Hospice van arrived pretty quickly.  They brought in a gerny (sp??) and wheeled it into the living room. It took all of Mom’s strength to just get out of her recliner..but she made it and got on the bed. I tried so hard not to cry..but I couldn’t help it. They wheeled her out of the house and got her in the van.  She blew me a kiss..I told her I’d be down to see her in a little while.

 When she got there they started giving her her medications through an I.V.  That seemed to work pretty well pretty quickly. The problem was she had such bad nausea that she couldn’t even keep down her nausea medication.  At that point she probably hadn’t eaten solid food in at least 2 weeks.  She ate baby food sometimes when she was at home. Part of it i’m sure was the fact that after not having had solid food in so long, and having been throwing up on and off for MONTHS.. her stomach couldn’t handle it anymore.

At the Hospice house everyone was very nice.  I felt good knowing she was there. There was always someone who could get her whatever she needed..all she had to do was push a button. I kept my same schedule at work, working early mornings, doing errands when I got out and going up in the late afternoon to see Mom.  I usually ended up leaving around 10pm or so.  I hated leaving her there..that was the hardest part.  She wanted to stay at home so bad  I think bc she didn’t want to be alone….I didn’t her to feel alone..I would cry all the way home in the car after I left.

She would get a good amount of company every evening..she comes from a big family, so her sisters and brother would come, friends from high school, friends from work, her mom, my Dad, my brother and his wife, even her best friend from childhood who lives in Hawaii now came to see her.  She never felt much like talking, it made her out of breath, and she started to lose her voice sometimes..but I think she was glad to have company, especially some of the people she hadn’t seen in a long time. 

One night my Dad, aunt Tina, uncle Jim and his wife Kathy were all there..and I don’t even remember what we were talking about..but my Aunt always would make me start crying whenever she talked about my Mom..telling me how strong I was..how much Mom wanted me to continue on in my life with the goals I’ve set for myself..etc. soon after this conversation everyone went home except me.  I was still crying on and off at this point…seeing her in that bed..so thin and weak was heartbreaking. It was a challenge not to cry everytime I walked in the room. I came in and went to sit down..but I just started bawling. I will never forget this….she said whats wrong?? I just shrugged..she knew. She scooted over and made me come hug her..I just cried. She said "you’ve been so strong for me" As sick as she was she still wanted to be Mom..and try and comfort me…she was dying and she knew it..and was still trying to make me feel better.

Blah..enough tears for tonight..

More to come later..