maybe this was a mistake….

So, ive been doing a practicum with dan this week. I needed to do one, and he was my last resort…i kept getting run around by other schools, not getting back in contact with me, or just saying no. So i asked him, and he said yes. I had my first day on monday, and my second day today…cause they had a snow day yesterday. Monday was…ok. He threw me into teaching lessons right away, which i wasn’t expecting, but it was ok, cause it was all either flute or clarinet lessons. Obviously..clarinet im fine with, and im not too bad on flute, I felt comfortable teaching those. Today…however…was not good. First thing i do when i get there today…is teach a percussion lesson. I took percussion spring semester last year, so it was fairly fresh in my mind i guess. I was definitely nervous..cause percussion is just..theres a lot to know. I did ok though…he said i did better than he thought i would. Later, he decided he was going to make me do a trumpet lesson. I said…oh god….ok…..trumpet was the very first secondary instrument i learned…so i dont remember that much. I have notes i can look over again..but i dont know much off the top of my head. THEN…..he laughed…and said..ohhh i know what will make this better…and he hands me a trumpet, and tells me to play with them. I said…flat out…”no”. He said…”yes”..i said “NO” he said “YES”…this went on for a few minutes…i said…”i havent played that thing in over a year…i cant” he said “well you’re going to…what do you think is going to happen when you have to teach?” I said “i can demonstrate stuff on my clarinet just as easily” but he made me do it anyway. I said fine…..i took the trumpet…and didnt use it once. Im a smart little ass hole…if i needed a note demonstrated..like…just to know the pitch, i just had another student play it.:~) so there…:~P i just don’t understand why he keeps making me do stuff he KNOWS im not comfortable doing. Like…i know he is trying to help me, but, his approach…is not helping me, its just making it worse. He knows how to push my buttons..since he knows me pretty well..and he just keeps doing it…and today he pushed a little too much. I know the first time of me teaching anything is going to be hard…but if i tell you flat out im not comfortable doing it, i dont think you should make me..its just setting me up to fail.. he knows me well enough to know when im nervous, and stuck, but he just keeps pushing. Im very self conscious in front of him…cause…well its him….i know im not being myself, and doing as well as i could either. Maybe it was a mistake to do this practicum with him. I just get real nervous in front of him…especially in this situation, because i know hes there to criticise me…and im just so anxious, and afraid to look stupid, and get embarassed in front of him. I don’t know what to do with myself.:( I just get a little angry with him almost, because he thinks the best way to get through to me, is to push me, and push me..until he gets a reaction out of me..and if he keeps doing it..the next reaction he gets out of me is going to be tears..i wonder if he’d stop then…. he just makes me so frustrated……:*~(