exhausted

Last night i went out for st pattys day. It wasnt too bad. We ended up going to a party, then downtown. The party was fun, downtown…..eh….. somewhere along the line when i was being shoved, getting drinks spilled on me, and stepped on…i realized its not that fun anymore. I almost got the crying drunks last night…you know..when girls drink too much and end up a crying mess by the end of the night. I just got an overwhelming feeling of..i miss scott…that was most of it. Its just all the same…guys are all the same. I looked around the bar..and saw i dont know how many of them all doing the same thing..trying to gring up on random girls..hoping to get laid tonight..and its so gross. I think two guys tried to dance with me…i cringed…. anyway..

Besides missing scott..ive just finally decided i need to let go of something..well, someone rather..that ive been holding onto for a real long time. Its just ..not happening..and ive only ever gotten disappointment out of the whole situation. Its really hard to let go though.. i was just holding on to this little bit of…hope, or..whatever u want to call it. but..i cant anymore..its just become clear that, its never going to happen..makes me feel real alone for some reason. between missing scott..and this…i just feel really kinda sad i guess..its like i dont feel like theres anything i can do to make my situation better..and thats the most frustrating part. I dont want new boys..i dont wanna go out to bars and meet stupid drunk assholes..i wanted scott..i still do..i just wish he did too. oh well..im going back to bed i think….im exhausted..and…..blah. but here..one of the two pics i took last night b4 my camera died:~(