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Well, now I have time to sit down and write a proper entry. So, let me spell it out for you 🙂 Let’s go in order, shall we?

Thursday night, my mom, stepdad, sister and I were having dinner and watching the news on the couch (we rarely eat at the table). The national news came on and was, of course, about politics. Somehow we got into a discussion about it (my parents opening their big mouths and offering their twisted opinions, no doubt), which was fine. Until I started getting attacked. This subject is beyond complicated in my family, to say the least, but basically, I believe completely different than them and they see that as a huge threat–that’s one more thing about me that they can’t control. Throw in the part about how I don’t believe in god and I’m going to be damned to hell for all eternity and you’ve got yourself a mess.

So, anyway, normally these political conversations start out fine, my parents are confident that they are right and I am wrong and they’re calm. When I start bringing facts to their attention to prove them wrong or even to just make them rethink what they’ve said and they have no comebacks for it, that’s when they start getting pissy. So, over the course of these conversations, they get more and more hostile. Usually at some point, I decide they are being so ridiculous that their claims don’t even warrant an attempt at reasoning, and I walk away. This time, my stepdad beat me to the punch, I guess, because he went OFF on me. About how I failed out of school (I most certainly did NOT!) because I’m worthless and all I do is play a computer game and sleep all day. He just went on and on and on. I couldn’t say anything because I was so seething mad that he would even THINK about saying something like this to ANYONE, much less someone he claims to love, that I couldn’t see anything but red.

I sat there with what I’m sure was an evil look on my face while he berated and insulted me as much as he could, and then I calmly asked him, "Exactly what is your point? Do you think that you can bully me into not voting or changing my mind or not voicing my opinion by telling me that I’m worthless?" He kept throwing remarks at me and then it was my turn. I went off this time. I didn’t yell. I didn’t scream. I used my most commanding voice and I boomed at him that he was worthless for ever even considering talking to me like that. I told him that he was wrong. The reason that I quit school was because of him. He and my mother have made me feel like I have to do what they want so much that I wasn’t even living my life for me anymore. I was afraid to tell my own parents that I wanted to change my major. I was so miserable that I almost died because of the brainwashing and the insulting and the manipulation I’ve put up with for so long from them. I told him that maybe he might want to rethink what he said thank his "god" that I’m still even HERE because if not for how strong-willed and determined and independent I am, I wouldn’t be. And then, very calmly, but conveying as much hate as I had for him in that moment, I told him that the conversation was over and that I would be quite content if he never spoke to me again. I got up off the couch and walked up to my room. An hour later, he yelled up the stairs to me to come clean the kitchen like nothing had happened.
 

This brings me to my next point. I called Matt immediately after I went upstairs and told him what happened. I cried a few tears, but mostly I was so mad I could barely breathe. That last thing I said to him–that I would be fine if he never talked to me again–is something I am sure I’ve said before, but I have never honestly meant that before. If I could walk out of this house with all my things today and never have to talk to him again, I would be happy. Sure, he has done a lot for me over the years, but mostly financially. My parents all seem to think it’s ok to support your kids financially and not in any other way. I would much rather have the emotional and mental support and love of my parents, but they don’t get that and they never will. I just have to wait until they day when I don’t need their financial support and I won’t have to deal with their mental and emotional abuse.

So, I talked to Matt and he said, "I feel so helpless." He wants to do something. He wants to help. So, we floated around a few options (me moving out and him helping financially, me moving out there, him moving here), and we decided that instead of the original plan that we had for him to move out here somewhere around 6 months, we are going to get it done as soon as possible. We don’t have a lot of stuff, which is why we wanted to save money to be able to buy furniture and things for our apartment. But we don’t need stuff. We need each other. And we need me to not be in this horrible mess. We are hoping to get things done before Christmas, but it all depends on his transfer from work. He won’t know until Monday or Tuesday any information about that. We’ll just have to see how long it takes.
 

Let’s talk about fininances, shall we? Well, there are my finances, which are grim right now, since the accident I was in when Matt was here a couple weeks ago cost me a $130 ticket and about $550 for repairs. Then of course, my student loans have started up and I owe $358 there. Plus car insurance. And I am barely getting paid right now. Thankfully, this week has brought a lot more hours, so if things continue to stay the same, I should be alright. I still desperately need a full-time job though. I interviewed for a position at a doctor’s office that I was really hoping to get about a week and a half ago. She told me that she would call me by the end of this week though (meaning Friday), and I still haven’t heard anything. I have had a bad feeling about it, but we’ll see what she says when I call her on Monday.

Then there are our finances. Matt will be opening a joint checking account for us on Monday and we’ll both be depositing what we can in there to save up for the move. When he gets here, we’ll have it transfered to another bank (neither of us are very fond of BoA, but it’s the only bank that we have in both places), and then we’ll start putting our money in there together. I will still keep my ch

ecking account and keep some money in it just for me, but we’ll be paying bills together, we might as well do this.

We probably need somewhere around $2000 for the move. This is for the few things that we’ll need up front for the apartment and then for the depositis on the apartment and utilities. We are hoping (and both working as much as possible so) that we can get this done by Christmas. What an awesome present, right? There are still a lot of things to get in order for the plan, but I did a lot of phone calling and things like that on Friday when I was off. I am getting so excited about this, and it finally feels like the right thing to do! 🙂

 

I think that’s enough for today, and I shall write out the rest of the list in my third NoJoMo, but that’s a little glimpse of what you’ll be hearing about day-to-day here. I am so happy. I mean soooo happy. So, I hope you are too 🙂 and I hope November is a beautiful month for all of us 🙂