Oh Happy Shitty Sunday!
I’m stuck in this endless loop of never having time for me and doing, doing, doing for everyone else. Whatever time I do have outside of that is used to keep up with the housework which takes me forever to do because of my RA and the havoc it has reaped on my ankles. I need to get back in the habit of writing. Now that my brain isn’t racing anymore, I can maybe get a rhythm and write every day again like I used to.
So much has happened that I will never get it all down in one entry. So I will slowly work through all my past thoughts and my everyday thoughts until I am all caught up. I wished I could pull out my other journal because it would make a lot of what I write would make a hell of a lot more sense.
So this past week has been quite hectic. I was driving back and forth to Syracuse to help take care of my ex-father-in-law while my ex-mother-in-law was away on a cruise. He is 80 and has balance issues until he needs to be monitored. So between me, her neighbors and her sister we all had it covered. And yes, I still get along with my ex-in-laws. I separated from her son 7yrs ago and have been divorced from him for the last 2yrs. There was a lot about our relationship in my old journal. The reason for our demise finally took his life on June 24 a day after he turned 46. He chose his addiction over our marriage because after me spending years chasing him, begging him and paying for rehab after rehab, he just couldn’t understand why he couldn’t just get high to get high. I was more happy for him than sad, he had finally found the peace he had so desperately been searching for. I always said to him that I wished that he could just love his self as much he loved everyone else. His death was a long, slow suicide. I was sad I just couldn’t save him. Yrs of Al-Anon and therapy helped me understand that you can’t save a person that doesn’t want to be saved.
I am hoping this week I will be able to get some shit done on my own house. I got my kitchen done last night when I got home so tomorrow will be to tackle the laundry and the living room. I found this awesome cabinet on the side of the road for free so I need to move some shit around and make room for it. I also need to strip and re-color my hair and hopefully have my actual hairdresser foil in some highlighter at some point this week.
The Cabinet I got for FREE
On another note, I am about fed up with everyone in my house cutting me off and shutting me down. Both my teenage children along with my boyfriend. I actually snapped tonight because as my son was shutting me down just for making a suggestion my boyfriend walked in after he walked out and I tried to say something about the conversation that I had just had with my son and he shushed me, really WTF. I can’t even ask or make a statement to my daughter without her accusing me of starting a fight. Just asking her to do her chores is starting a fight. She obviously doesn’t know what starting a fight means. As for my Son, I can’t even make a conversation with him with little questions about things going on in his life, seems annoys him and of course, he is 18 and knows everything along with my daughter who is 17. Somewhere along the way of raising them, I apparently lost all my intelligence.
Well enough for one night, I must remember to write every day!
Till Next Time, Dance like no one is WATCHING!
Laura