Sigh of Relief

So, the girl turned thirteen last Friday. I was scared of that age going in. She was an independent kid from the get go and made me crazy when she was a toddler. I just guided her as best as I could and hoped for the best. Some of those years I was in a BPD haze and I know  that it affected things but I’m honest with her now about it.

She’s so different than I was at that age. Confident, not afraid to be herself, and kind to people. She has friends in all the main groups at school and I thought she was going to float out of school that day with all of the balloons!!

When I was thirteen, I was drinking corner store beer with friends. I experimented with hard drugs as well. Now I know that I was self medicating… escaping. My parents weren’t horribly abusive that I remember, but Mom was narcissistic and often cruel. She destroyed any self esteem that I had and I doubted everything. There’s so much I can’t remember about those years but I can still hear muy mother telling me that the only reason she didn’t abort me was because of her religion. Good times. I even stopped visiting my grandparents as much when I turned thirteen. Friends were better even if they were probably getting me in more trouble than I needed to be in. I regret the time I didn’t spend with my grandparent now.

My daughter loves going to see my MIL. She loves being with us and I think she’s more affectionate now than before. She still asks me to sleep in her room. We spend a lot of time together. I’m truly blessed with a great kid that will make something great of her life.

I can breathe again.