Not Young Any More

I am a fool.

I had an amazing meeting with my client yesterday. I am terrified to write her speech but I respect a person that’s been through shit and grown from it. She certainly has. She was incredibly positive and into all that kind of healing I am fascinated with. I think it’s funny how things come along when you need them. I think I have been in some sort of spiritual awakening for the last five years, at least. I am nowhere near the end. She seems to see the good in me and I know it’s in there somewhere.

I left with the cash she gave me up front, which was too much in my opinion. I went and bought Valentine’s Day stuff for hubby and daughter with it. I haven’t done that in a long time but I was in the mood yesterday.

When I picked up the teenager at the mall, I went and got a coffee. Not just any coffee. I reverted back to my twenties and ordered this thing at Dutch Bros that had six shots of espresso in it. I didn’t sleep at all last night and only got a few hours the night before. I was exhausted today that way that any normal forty six year old would be. I came home and coma napped for a few hours before I hit the keyboard again.

I am not drinking coffee for a while. My stomach hated me all day and I just sipped water and tea as I hoped to feel normal again.

I am keeping up on projects for the most part and bringing in some money. That is my goal right now and I feel good being productive. There is a kind of tired that comes along with it more so than not leaving my bed due to depression. I feel good even if I have trouble keeping my eyes open all day. I can’t to take it a little easier this weekend and maybe do some thrift shopping, maybe sleep a bit. I wrote about 50k words this last weekend and that kills your brain in a way that few things do.