in suspense

everything seems to be hanging or hung – my future, in both work and education. Subsequently my relationship and various geographic factors pertaining to it are in the balance, showing no inclination of coming out. Even democracy can’t make its mind up. Welcome to limbo kids, feel free to be completely ambivalent about your stay.

The more times I go to work having decided I don’t want to be there, the more convinced I am that I should just quit. My capacity to do things is heavily reliant upon my interest in doing them. I have almost 0 self control /discipline, having never really needed it for anything (some people might try to call me out on this, but I think it’d hold up.) Wednesday I was so deep into this shit I was ready to kill myself over it, today I can’t be bothered to roll my eyes. I don’t know my own mind. Not even a little.

I just need one good day at work and I’ll be fine.