Sunshine and flowers

Feel like my last few entries have been a tad on the negative side. But hey, that’s mummyhood-more ups and downs than a rollercoaster!

The weekend, night-time screaming aside, was actually lovely! We had nothing planned so just spent oodles of time with our gorgeous little man, playing and relaxing. I cooked my first ever roast dinner yesterday. We had: roast chicken, roast potatoes, green beans, carrots and peas with gravy. Even if I do say so myself, it was DELICIOUS! Especially the potatoes. I could have eaten 20 of them!

William did his usual bedtime screaming last night, but only for half an hour. We gave him some calpol and he was out like a light. Bizarrely, I think he spent a lot of last night awake. When I expressed at 3.30am I peeked into his room and he was lying half awake, chomping on his fist. At 5am he woke me up, grizzling-I bought him into bed with me and I don’t really think he properly slept after that. He’s sleeping in the pram in the kitchen at the mo-I’m not going to try to keep him up just so he sleeps tonight, that would be so wrong and I’d have a very cross baby on my hands.

It’s taken me a while, but I’ve realised William is NOT the kind of baby you can slot into a routine. Every day is different. So I’m just going to go with the flow and take each day as it comes. When he’s sleepy, I’ll let him sleep. When he’s hungry, I’ll feed him. You get the idea.

Regarding daytime naps: nearly every single person I’ve asked, on here and elsewhere, has said to put William into his cot for daytime naps. I must be a freak but I just can’t do it. It feels weird. So I’ve decided that for now, he’s going to sleep in the pram in the kitchen. So far it’s worked like a dream-as soon as I see the sleepy signs, I put him down there, rock him a little and he goes to sleep almost instantly.

Reflective musings: there are so many expectations and pressures put upon mothers by our current society. There’s pressure to breastfeed exclusively for 6 months, have the baby with you in your room for 6 months, not co-sleep, get your baby sleeping through the night ASAP, get a daytime routine going….etc etc etc. Books like bloody Gina Ford don’t help (I threw my copy in the bin last Thursday). If you don’t do all of the above and more you can feel like a failure. God knows I have on more than one occasion. My friend Deirdre has got her baby into a perfect daytime routine *sigh*-I can’t help but feel a bit envious. And guilty at the same time. There’s so much GUILT when you’re a mum! About everything! You hide the formula in the cupboard. You feel guilty when you bottlefeed in public. You feel guilt about bring a baby into bed with you. It’s ridiculous.

So I’m rebelling. I refuse to feel pressurised or guilty anymore. I’m going to go with the flow and muddle along the best I can, and stop trying to be The Perfect Mother. The Perfect Mother does not exist. *breathes sigh of relief*

Now that’s off my chest……these may not be interesting to anyone else, but this is a snapshot of my little man at 3 and a half months. I am NOT bragging; I just want to record what he’s like now.

*He LOVES brightly coloured cloth books with lots of different textures so I read those to him, running his fingers across the textures. I love laying him down on the sofa and making silly faces at him-if I do the right ones he gives me a huge smile!

*His focus is fabulous. He follows everything and anything with his eyes. Speaking of which-he has the biggest, bluest eyes I’ve ever seen, with freakishly long eyelashes. He definitely has his daddy’s eyes.

*He gives me and Mike his biggest and hugest smiles.

*He loves ‘daddy games’-when Mike lifts him up and turns him round, making crane sounds; when Mike makes him walk along the floor (holding him up, obviously!) and when he bounces him on his knee with ‘ding ding ding’ sounds!

*Mike has taken to fatherhood like a duck to water. He is completely and utterly devoted to William. I knew he would be.

*He babbles all the time: oooo, a-goooo, ahhhhh, arrrrr.

*He’s a feisty baby. He knows what he wants and is determined to get it! Think he might be a handful when he’s a toddler…..

*He loves lying in his cot in the day looking at his mobile. He also loves his playmat (after a brief spell of hating it)-although at the moment he’s just lying on it chomping on his fist.

*He’s started staring at the TV. He’s fascinated by it!

*He rolled over once from his front to back, but hasn’t managed it since. He rolls from back to side. He is not a fan of tummy time and only manages 3/4 mins before getting totally fed up.

* He only likes to be held in very particular ways. Mike and I know how but other people don’t, which explains why he often screams when other people hold him!

*He’s not good in crowded rooms, and hates being passed around from person to person. Christmas should be fun………..

I love him to death and would do absolutely anything for him.

It’s pissing down with rain here! Yuck! I need to weigh my little fatty this afternoon but I’m not going out in this!

lots of love Clare (I really can’t call myself happycookie anymore-it’s time to come out of the non-gay closet!) and William xxxxxxx