Still doesn’t seem real

Monday night, 6.58pm, and my 2 very very tired kiddies are in bed……ahhhhhhh, bliiiissssssssssssssssss. A night of good tv, yummy dinner, tea & hot choc beckons! woop!

I feel a lot less freaked out now. In fact, I feel much more relaxed about being pregnant again……probably because…..it doesn’t seem real. I did another test (my 4th!!!)before I went to work last Thursday morning, and it was a much stronger positive then the ones I’d done on Wednesday. Despite this…..I feel like I need to do 1 more final test – one of those digital ones that flash up ‘Pregnant’ or ‘Not Pregnant’ before I may actually believe this is real. I can’t do another test until Thursday when I get paid – those tests cost £10!!!!

I really can’t explain why I feel this way. Because this was unplanned, maybe? If I get an instant ‘Pregnant’ on Thursday then I will book an appointment with the doctor etc…..and start allowing myself to get a teeny tiny bit excited!

In the meantime….life ticks on. Snippets:

1) William adores school – he’s absolutely thriving! I love dropping him off & picking him up – the school is literally 10 minutes walk from our house. The mums at the school gate are not particularly friendly, but I don’t care – I have enough friends in Herne Bay already!

2) Sophie is being a particularly feisty 2 year old at the moment. She is a drama queen of the highest degree and is prone to throwing almighty strops. She loves William but man, they bicker. And she has this awful shrieeeeeeek that just goes straight through you – I can’t stand it. Mostly though, she’s so incredibly sweet & funny……but she certainly has a stroppy side.

3) Work is…..well, pretty hideous, to be frank. Why did I go back? Why did I think that the grass was greener? Yes, it’s hard and often boring being a stay at home mum, but working even just 2 days a week is even harder. So much juggling involved & I miss the children desperately. How can you ever get the balance right when you’re a mum? I dread Thursdays. At the moment I’m not even sure if teaching is the right job for me……I just don’t know if I’m cut out for it anymore.

Anyway, enough rambling for one night – adios for now, mes amies xxxx