Marriage

I've spent the morning cleaning, paying bills, and periodically pulling out and trying to dissect the memory of my dream from last night. Of course, in the classic style of dream memories, the more I try to grasp at it the quicker it fades. Still, I've got the basic pieces left: John and I are&nb...

Can't organize my thoughts enough to really write, so here's a bullet list instead: *Just finished reading Fifty Shades of Grey - totally turned me on. I've always fantasized in that direction, but my husband doesn't turn me on as a dominant personality. Matthew though....whew. What wouldn't I le...

Opted for a wedding picture after all. Maybe it'll inspire me.  xoxo (my head whispers "gossip girl" after I type that...just thought you should know).

I can't sleep. It's the thunderstorms. It's the rain. It's all the memories with Matthew in the rain.  John and I are on the upswing for the moment, have been for at least a week. Something clicked and I was on his team in the (mind) battle of John v Matthew. I don't think that's change...

I am holding on to Matthew in my mind this week. Just one sentence from April about him on Sunday and my brain won't let it be. John, of course, seemed to know immediately that I had called Matthew on Sunday night. I'm not the best liar, apparently. I admitted to him that I called.…

The job interview last night was super stressful. I was underprepared, and super uncomfortable with that fact. My first interview this past Thursday was with the GM, and he was so ADD/all over the map with the conversation, that there just didn't seem to be much of a point in psyching myself up f...

Tequila to the rescue? I think I'll give it a fair shot.

So tired. Working all day at a job that I've already left in my mind is insanely draining. And I have to ride it out for 10 weeks....blah. I went to go eat dinner with John at his work tonight. We were both is shitty bratty moods, and neither of us was feeling particularly accommodating,…

I'll just preface this by saying that this entry is super hard to follow and probably doesn't say much you'll find interesting...so I apologize in advance. Last week I decided to try and make my way back into working in restaurants. John and I need to be on the same schedule, and I need to…

I can be quite the wordsmith on paper. It's talking about my feelings, my emotions, and my wants and needs out loud that completely eludes me.  I read a book during december about emotionally unavailable men. The book concluded that the girls who fall for those men are themselves emotionally...