Home again

Sleeping is absolutely miserable.  I just can’t fucking do it.  I go to bed, and I lie there for an hour or two, finally fall asleep, sleep until 3:00 in the morning, and then I wake up.  No more sleeping after that.  I wake up feeling worse than when I went to bed, and ...

I went to see the doctor last Monday.  It went better than I expected, but then, with my expectations, that’s not actually hard.  We had a really long discussion about my medication, vitamin d, and some other things.  I didn’t say anything about my “issues,”...

Sometimes, it takes all my effort at restraint to refrain from throwing my textbooks at my classmates and storming from the room in fury at their idiocy.  Or, alternatively, throwing my book at the professor for pandering to the lowest achieving students in the room. This is the story of Ame...

 Instead of getting my DVM and becoming a vet, I am toying with the idea of getting my MS in forensic biology.  I’ve always had a thing for forensics.  It would take two fewer years to finish, having me in the real world by 2016 instead of 2018.  I would have to move out...

I made an appointment to see my physician on the 19th.  I have been debating since I made the appointment on how to “play” it.  This is likely unnecessary, as I will proceed in exactly the same way I always do: immediately shut down to get through with the least am...

I started reading a new series of books.  Well, first, I started watching a new television series.  I don’t want television, as a rule.  Not having cable for these last 3 months has not bothered me in the least.  When I do watch television, it’s on DVD and generall...

 I wish…that I felt nothing.  Or, alternatively, that I felt something. The one thing that is harder than being alone is, I think, pretending that you are not. If I were alone, just alone, I would not have to act.  I would not have to pretend for the benefit of others. ...

I’m so useless, it’s embarrassing.   Twenty-five years old, with no job, working on a bachelor’s degree, still.  Of course, I already have two of them, but they’re completely useless.  All my friends are in graduate school, or have real jobs, or both.  ...

I read this and almost cried. Everything’s such a mess, I don’t even know what to do with myself anymore.

 They say (whoever they are) that we can only control our own actions, and not the actions of others.  Thus, we can take control of our lives, have agency, and power, and all kinds of self-help empowerment bullshit. I control my actions, but unfortunately my life is populated by more pe...