Depression, getting better

When the person you love most dies it becomes second nature to have tears stream silently down your expressionless face in public. {I look in the mirror now and see the lines in my forehead which were etched over many years from wincing with the pain of loss}. Strangers would walk up to me i...

Jump forward to now.... the reason I started to write about avoidance is that I had a landmark experience the other night, I went to our work Christmas Party. I came home with the intention of writing about how different my experience was this year. However, once I started writing, I fo...

Last year on the night of our work Christmas party, I could not disguise my depression from my team. I had not had a drink for almost a year and I was finding any social interaction unbearable.   I spent the whole day dreading the evening and planning ways to get out of going. I had&hel...

I was writing a note on a diary the other morning and as I was analysing their situation, I contrasted it to mine. As I finished typing the last sentence, I realised that I had found the answer to something I have been hiding from myself for two years, almost to the day. In October,…

"In its early stages, insomnia is almost an oasis in which those who have to think or suffer darkly take refuge."- ColetteIt seems that insomnia has taken its grip on me again. The last time this happened, I would spend all night writing in my diary and then drag myself through the day....

Those whose approval you seek most give you the least.Rozanne Weissman I have had my last session with my psychiatrist last week. We agreed that I am doing well on my new medication and that considering I have had a persistent period without depression that I can be left to my own devices. It was...

Self-respect is the root of discipline. The sense of dignity grows with the ability to say no to one's self.             Abraham Joshua Heschel At the beginning of last year I gave up drinking, drugs, and smoking. It has been an iso...

We can evade reality, but we cannot evade the consequences of evading reality. Ayn Rand I met with my head doctor today. It is becoming clearer that it is not serving me any longer to keep up the same old narrative about me being socially avoidant. I am lonely and isolated. As unlikely as I…

"The eternal quest of the individual human being is to shatter his loneliness."Norman Cousins I came out of a week spent in bed with a high fever and began my new medication. Parnate this time. It has had an immediate effect on me and I feel as though a great weight has been lifted from...

"There is in every madman a misunderstood genius whose idea, shining in his head, frightened people, and for whom delierium was the only solution to the strangulation that life had prepared for him" Antonin Artaud I visited the shrinkage who has asked me to ramp off the medication. I do...