July 27, 2023

The Void

one day not to far in the past of this year I almost answered the call to the void as sweet and tempting as it was I declined it’s offer to hopefully start living a better life and going towards the path of success

Void

you’re stupid no one likes you

I’m not stupid adulting is hard also people have busy lives not always time to talk

Void

your an disappointment to your family always ask for money can’t do anything right

Times are tough right now they understand that’s why they help out and ask how I’m doing and check up on me….Right? There not disappointed right?

Void

I mean your struggling because your no good you have no friends no one even talks to you your always reaching out to everyone but no one reaches back I mean what kind of life is that for someone or lifestyle for your son so much loneliness but if he stays with his mom with out you intervening in there lives he would be better off right

People have busy lives no one needs to check in on me or talk to me all the time as long as i know there doing okay and they talk to me when they can its all okay and also I if I stay at this job long enough I’ll prabably get a raise so I’ll be making more money and can provide more for me and my son…….who are you kidding I annoy everyone I talk to they never hit me up I’m always the first to txt anyone if I went off grid I honestly wouldn’t matter not like I’d be missed I can’t even take care of myself or my kid maybe if I wasn’t around he’d do better with just his mom he prabably wouldn’t miss me anyway

Void

YES see this is what I’ve been telling you life is rough people are terrible why would you want to stay and be apart of all this evil in the world you’ll never make enough because they won’t let you you’ll never have the ppl you want because there is always soneone better no one really loves you because your unlovable your kids the best thing to happen to you but you can’t stay with him you’ll corrupt him and we can’t have that so hear me out I know a place that’s nice and quiet there is no pain or suffering a perfect world where everything is exactly how it’s supposed to be just peace and calm

I mean I guess your right what am I doing in this awful world where they only try and keep us down and keep us at the bare minimum which still isn’t enough people suck I mean if no one’s likes me then what is the point my kid has his mom there no need for me she’s a great mom she will put him first always and I’ll just get in the way like usual because I’m no good prabably a terrible father maybe in your perfect calm world I could be something more someone more who can provide and be wanted okay Mr.Void how do I get there I’m on board with your plan to bring me to you

Void

excellent well Mr.Chaotic there are many of ways to get to me it all depends on how hurt and betrayed you are of everyone and everything but I’ll cut to the chase the only way to get to me is through death I know it sounds scary but trust me once your here you’ll understand why it’s better but this is as far as I can take you you will have to figure it out from here I’ll be waiting

Oh? Death so you want me to….well I’ve only ever joked about it never for one second thought to actually do it but it does have a nice ring to it no pain no worries no bill no stress no anxiety no depression why would I want to well I’m in the car right now I could just get into a really bad accident no seat belt or just wait till I get home not like anyone’s there waiting for me so I could do it there yeah let’s go home and do I there alot easier but how to do it pills? Knife?…….WAIT!!! HOLD ON….WTF am I saying right now am I so depressed I would entertain this right now wtf is wrong with me I know shit is rough at the moment but there is no reason to resort to this things will get better I just need to focus on what’s right in front of me and do better make more of an effort I know it’s going to be tough but if I believe and try hard enough I should be okay sorry Mr. Void your temptation will not work on me I know I’m stronger then this I know I’m worth more then this

this day has been on my mind recently for sometime now and I just can’t believe I let my emotions get the better of me like this but I use this day as a reminder to always move forward don’t get stuck in the past of what anyone has said or done to you don’t worry about the stupid little things that are wrong as long as you keep pushing forward you’ll be able to push past any obstacles and make it through the other side