The Show Must Go On

I’m sorry if this gets too emotional at all. But hell…sometimes you just gotta let it out before you just explode.

On the outside, gosh, isn’t my life pretty?

 I’m sucessful at the age of 27. I have an amazing job that 4 out of 5 days a week I don’t mind going to at all. I have my days, but doesn’t everyone? I have an amazing staff. Karla is the best assistant manager I could ever dream of having. She supports me on any decision I make, even if she thinks I’m nuts. We laugh, we bitch, we cry, and we make great partners in crime. KC just brightens my day the minute she walks in and makes me laugh. Tom, Chuck, and Jeff would go to the ends of the earth to make sure I’m happy with the things that are going on on the property. Jessie doesn’t work for me anymore. I don’t have to lock myself in the bathroom because she ruins my day/week/life. I work for an amazing company that sincerely cares about their employees’ welfare. They offer great compensation, discounts, bonuses, and benefits. In turn, I work my ass off for them, and it feels pretty damn good. When I started with this company, I knew I was a lifer. (Short of winning the lotto or becoming independently wealthy).

I have an amazing best friend. Erin has been the only friend I have ever had that I can completely trust. I know when I need her, I can turn to her and she will be there. She gives it to me straight, and I appreciate that so much. I hope she knows I will always be here for her, at the drop of a hat. I have a lot of fun with her. Whether we’re out and about, or just chillin’ on the patio…the conversation (and usually alcohol) always flow freely. Our views sometimes differ on things, and I respect that our friendship is strong enough to handle that, and we can still love each other without worrying if we challenge each other’s opinion. I care about her happiness. I’ve never worked with someone that I respected as much as Erin. She has set the bar for what I expect from each of my employees, on just what she did on a daily basis. She doesn’t know it, but everyday I think of her and thank God that I have her in my life.

I have everything I need. A roof over my head. A tight car. Food to eat, toys to play with. Even a lot the extras. I don’t worry about spoiling myself. I don’t lack for anything. I’m very blessed.

I have an amazing boyfriend. He’s everything I’ve ever wanted. He’s soooo beautiful. Inside and out. He has a way of making me laugh without even trying. He’s goofy, fun, and serious, all at the right times. He spoils me, even when he doesn’t know it. He really spoils me when he does know it. He is truly considerate, and thoughtful. He’s intelligent, we can talk, debate, discuss, and even on the verge of argue, and always respect each other. I’ve memorized the exact curves of his face with my fingertips a hundred times. He doesn’t know I burst into tears on the inside everytime I do that. I try to let the love I feel for him flow throw my fingertips to him, and I just hope that conveys 1/10 of my feelings for him. Somehow, I don’t think it does. I lose myself in his smile. I adore his laugh. My hands get swallowed into his, and I feel safe when I’m with him. I love his quirks. I sincerely smile to myself everytime he crosses my mind. He’s a fantastic lover, an amazing friend. I can not imagine my life without him.

I have fabulous friends. I have friends that I can laugh with, cry with, let loose with, and be myself with. I’ve been very blessed with the people that have come into my life in the last couple years. Dear James, Matthew, Andy, Sarah, Cassie, Anna, Jenn, Gary, Myron, Bradley, Prince, Don, Amy, Carolyn, Kristopher, Chrissy, Julie, Dee Dee, Jeff, Andrew, Heather, Tim, Meagan, Ross, Tom…..I LOVE YOU ALL. You have all touched my life, and I appreciate you.

But then someone pinched me. I woke up one day and noticed that my company is selling my property. Job security, gone. I think my best friend is upset and feels I may have left her out of the loop. With my job goes the security of having all my extras, and maybe some of the necessities. My boyfriend is in love with someone else also, so I don’t know what it’s like to have his whole heart. And I don’t even talk to half of the people I mentioned anymore because I have a habit of having a revolving door into my life. So everything is not always as it seems. And when you’re sitting on the inside, the view is amazingly skewed. I have a lot of decisions to make. Some I’ve made, some I need to make, some I need the balls to make. I’ve done a little searching tonight, and when I look back, I realize my life is in chaos more often than not, even with my ‘non-drama’ mantra. The funniest part is…if you take off that gross plastic skin that’s hardened on the top of my pudding…………

……I’ve never been happier.