The Day the Proverbial Music Died

My chair is getting warmer and warmer still, and I wonder if someone has turned the heat up without me knowing it…and I wonder, if I’m close to my boiling point.

I wonder, how many bricks I can pile on top of each other before they fall. I wonder how long I can go without pulling the ripcord, before my chute wouldn’t open anymore. I wonder how many times I can warm up and cool off before I shatter. I wonder how much weight I can put on my back before it breaks.

I wonder who wrote the book of love.

In a sick comparison to the lightbulb jokes…how much crap does one confident person take, analyze, and hold in…before they actually lay in their bed at night and wonder about an easy way to solve all those problems at once? To end it all. Really…how much would it take to get there?

And when you know those are stupid thoughts, and you finally fall asleep because you know sleep is your cure all and you’ll feel a thousand times better in the morning…what happens when you write this entry in your head while you’re blow drying your hair the next day? As if you hadn’t slept at all?

And what if…just what if…everything you touch turns to shit? And nothing in your life is solid anymore? And there’s no one to talk to about it?

Then what?

Satori@fishbowl

April 22, 2002

try again, and again and again, and keep trying until you get the point across. and if it’s me, speak up, I’m listening… soon cometh the end of our winter of discontent…

hey, ya im not leaving my numnber over the internet, as you see, i put 360-793-41.. is this a complete phone number… i dont think so buh~bye

looniverse

the book of love? wasn’t that an indian? kama-sutra… the pop-up version

People usually think I’m a jerk because I AM a jerk…

Oh2bd@mnd

April 23, 2002

If only I had all the answers…*sighs softly*…..*hugs and kisses*

Christopher_3

There is always someone to talk to unless you live in a void. I, for one, miss talking to you very much. Thank you for your note. I was actually hoping you would have have read the entry prior to it. In a way it was my “Claiming of a reluctant Dragon” and I did really hope you read and liked it, but of course I wasn’t going to leave you a note say, “Please come and read my >>>

latest entry.” As to what you said about the unsigned note, I am so glad you had the courage to say it, although I was a little hurt you thought it was me. When we were talkin on MSN, we actually talked about that note and I even mentioned I had to look the word rubric up in the dictionary. Rest assured it was not me, nor could it have been. You >>>

didn’t leave me a note as Maggie directing me this diary (then as UF) until 10-31-01, two weeks after the message had been left. I am sorry the note bothers you, but please believe me it was not me who left it. Like you, I may not agree with what someone has to say, but I do think they are free to say it. >>>

but with condition of a given name. I love and miss you. Still hoping for lunch one day and hoping that we can chat again. Take care.

I get the impression this is you, and not you all at once. How much shtuff you hold inside is yours alone to answer, whethere there are ears or not, there are countless terrabytes open for the painting of even the darkest of thoughts. For those that hold it all inside, it actually takes very little for the bricks to start falling. Thanks for the get well, I was so depressed, and then came notes

...Raven Phoenix

April 24, 2002

have strength, have faith, and if nothing else works, come down and have a drink with Me. I won’t let you give up, darlin’…not happening. You mean too much to Me to allow anything less than the best for you. I need you to take care of you for Me when I can’t be there to do it Myself. You’ve always got a friend, darlin’…

i’m sorry it took me too long to read this, even then i could have read it last nite. i am here for You as are may of Your wonderful Ffriends. i am glad that things will calm down, maybe not as much as You’d like because it’s temporary, but this rest You are going to get is good. Dancing, isn’t always a bad things. ~hugest of hugs~. And everything happens for a reason my Sweet One.