Of Hearth and Home

In the days that have passed since I’ve last touched these keys, a package has been given to me. It was laid at my feet, wrapped in a sparkling blue serenity, and tied with a white bow of hope. I opted not to open it for some time…and then one day it occured to me that all my answers might lie within.

When I opened it I realized that life is little less than enormously precious, and I had been wasting it on thoughts of what ‘might be’. Instead of focussing on the things I had, I was intent on finding what I didn’t. In quoting Cheryl Crow, (Which is something I don’t readily admit to) ‘It’s not having what you want, it’s wanting what you’ve got’. That might be paraphrasing, but you get the jist.

I’ve been blissfully happy this last month or so. My career is going suprisingly well and has a real bright future on the horizon. I’ve taken control of my eating and drinking habits. I’ve been sober for 11 days. Not that it’s a huge feat, I wasn’t exactly a druggie or a raging alcoholic. But it definitely won’t hurt me to quit by any means. And then there’s love…ah love…

For once I’ve decided to lay my hands on what is true, real, and for all intensive purposes, pure. I’ve decided to put aside all of my fears that I may be missing out on something greater and more divine. The truth is, when I finally learned to rid myself of the drama…be it online, or the bar…I finally found that blue serenity I had been searching for. It seems I’ve had it all along.

In less than 3 months I will wed the bearer of that gift. He’s brought more into my life than any person before that, and we compliment each other so well. Besides, no other person on this planet could know more about me, and still stay by my side knowing the truth. Through 11 years we’ve had a war, some battles we’ve won, others lost…but we’ll always fight them together.

He knows the rebel, the wanderer in me. And at one point he told me he was just waiting to make sure I could settle down, be happy with the things I have. Maybe he saw it in me way before I ever did. The things we do together now bring me more pleasure than ever going to the bar without him. I enjoy our Friday night get togethers, because I know at any time, I can turn around and get a kiss from him.

In just a few short weeks I’ll be (celebrating) my 25th year. If anything, I’m a bit hesitant. I know I’m not exactly ancient…but I haven’t accomplished some things that I had wanted to by now.

Of course, they’ll be easier. Now that I’m a part of team.

I love you James, the bearer of my gift, the giver of my life, the holder of my heart.

Always have,
Always will.