I’m like Heinz up in this bitch!

Get it? Ketchup? CATCH UP!? Ah, I kill myself.

Did I just blow your mind, or what?

If any of you have followed me for any length of time, you know I come and go more than Debbie in her Dallas days. It’s just how I roll. I usually get some dumb notion in my brain that life could be more than all this, and that is when I come back here. Back to when my life was more than all…of this.

I’ve tried to catch up with a few of you. Read through pages of wishful blow jobs, happy marriages, house remodels, and one of you whose words touch me deeply. Perhaps I’ll dig a little deeper as the night goes on- and maybe *poof* gone for a year again. You’d be lucky if I stuck around for awhile.

A lot has happened since I’ve been away. My Mother lost her battle with brain cancer on June 14th, 2011, one day before her 62nd birthday. I started a new job on June 24th. So, you do the math. It was a really hard transition in my career and my life, and to be super honest I don’t think I dealt with my Mother’s death well. Sometimes, I feel I still haven’t dealt with it. What pisses me off the most is that she is still sitting on my dresser. I’m not mad that she’s with me, I’m mad that she’s not where she requested to be. But, in the end that is my Father’s decision to do something about. Actually, what I am most pissed off about is that no one told us it was stage 4 terminal cancer until after we decided to put her through hell. I keep wondering if we would have made the same decisions, had we only known that very VITAL piece of information. Prickity prick pricks.

Meh.

So here we are, February 15th, 2012. Fuck. Really? G introduced me to OD sometime in 2000 I believe, so I guess in a way this is the longest thing I have ever seen through. Both of my marriages combined still don’t come close. I haven’t held a job that long, and well damnit, I was going to say I don’t even have any friends have stuck around that long, but G is still in my life, so I take it back. It’s funny that he still is, really. An acquaintance spawned from what I legitimately and fondly think were some of the best times of my life. But I digress.

Why do days like today exist? I’m cruising along in my routine, albeit sometimes desperately boring life, and then BAM! I have days like today when I can’t stop reminiscing about the past, and what could of been. Days when I don’t go straight home just drive around for awhile listening to music that moves me. Maybe it’s because I haven’t been moved in awhile. You can take that metaphor however you’d like, sickos.

And last but not least, I really hate my job. The only reason I am holding to it is my salary, and I work with some fine people. And really, if I have to go back to the non-corporate world, I may as well hang myself naked in Times Square. No, I don’t know what that means either.

All I ask is that these pages keep me out of trouble. Perhaps if I let it all out here I won’t….I won’t…

I won’t.

Good to see y’all.