‘I feel ugly, but I know I still turn you on’

My request week didn’t go quite as I had planned. Doesn’t matter much, since knowing me…I probably wouldn’t have finished it anyhow.

I’ve been giving in to the demons lately. Every once in a (great) while I get down on myself. It doesn’t happen very often, most people that know me will tell you that normally I’m a pretty happy person. Pretty secure…what’s the one word? Geezus…you’re so confident…I tend to forget that means I get to forfeit feeling and insecurity.

I have Sinead O’Connor in my head and I can’t get her out. Doesn’t much matter, people give her shit about the things she has said, but I just say she has spunk. And her voice melts me like butta. If you’ve ever heard her sing Pink Floyd’s ‘Mother’…you’d know what I mean. (The Wall Tribute album).

So anyhow…here I am.

I was thinking it might not be your secret at all. Maybe just your perception of everyone else, maybe you got magnets in your balls, boy. But how the hell would I know? I don’t know you…right? You hide your arrogance down bellow somewhere in your track lines, and I guess that’s what we got in common…

I need to do my laundry, I need to shave my legs. I need to stop slacking of at work, and I need to get a new pair of eyes…(contacts). I gotta do all those things so I can feel better. Make me feel more human, more worthy…pretty again. ‘Cause I think I’m gettin’ ugly…real ugly.

I just feel like writing in lyrics tonight. Maybe due to the hundred songs I’ve listened to just sitting here, writing this little bit…God bless MP3’s…but you know, when your listening, and the one lyric from each song just seems to FIT.

Fit whatever. The mood you’re in, the situation…like that perfect leather glove, like a fucking condom on a perfectly average dick. It just fits. Goes there…like it was always meant to be. Crawls into your heart and fills those empty spaces, where the blood can’t quite reach…

…maybe that’s why my hands are so cold tonight. All this beauty…it’s blockin’ my blood flow. So there you go. Can’t complain about THAT…

‘Hush now baby, baby don’t you cry…’

It’ll be better in the morning. Goodnight.

Cryptic Shadow

January 28, 2002

*reading the “Sinead O’Connor” comment, cringing to Myself at the thought of how she butchered “Nothing Compares 2 U” (written by a certain musical genius named Prince and performed with Rosie Gaines) … sorry, can’t like her *hugs, laughing slightly as I go back to My own diary*

Total Idiot

No offense, but you DON’T have any idea. I love you to pieces, and you’re a wonderful person. But it wasn’t over Gary. It was over my best friend. You don’t know the situation, so please don’t comment. I didn’t hurt myself. I don’t remember any of it. If you had any clue at all as to the situation, then maybe you’d have a right to comment. But you don’t know…so don’t comment. ~Holly

*hugs u* u arent ugly

I’ve heard the worn-out cliche of “Fits like a glove” but this was the first I heard “Like a f-ing condom on a perfectly average dick.”. I like it! I may start using that in fact…..

magnets in your balls… fits like a condom on a perfectly average dick. oh dont i love the way you illustrate things? *grin* thats one of the reasons why you’re so specially beautiful. beautiful like… like george clooney mooning us! *lol* i miss you, too, hun. i wanna talk to you. do you have any messenger?

He explained things to me, and I’m sorry I flew off the handle. I’ve been super stressed lately, lots of things are going on. I didn’t mean to bitch…It just sorta came out…I’m very impatient and on edge right now…I shouldn’t have taken it out on You. *wrinkling my nose* You know I adore You…I’m sorry for it all. Forgive me? Love, Holly.

Oh2bd@mnd

January 30, 2002

come on over i’ll show ya how good look’n you are *wiggle eye brows and grin’n*….miss ya hun..*hugs and lots of little kisses*….

doctoring dust

thanks for the note .. 😉 the title of your entry is a stellar song .. reeeally great cd, too 🙂

sometimes everything can just be real depressing =(

just to say it was great talking to ya yesterday *grin*

I know how you feel, i know what your talkin about sometimes when the lyrics just fit… makes the mood feel right, because that single lyric must mean that some out there felt it, where ever they are… I also think that human nature to feel ugly. everyone feels ugly, and everyone always reacts weird to compliments. and judjing from your writing, there is no way your ugly.

January 31, 2002

RYN oh and you just love it when i do….i can see you squirming in your seat now..just at the thought of it…*laughs and pinches your fine arse*

sure, i read this. thought i was gonna get an entire entry though