And so the truth is revealed…

It’s no coincidence that my 100th entry is devoted to Christopher.

I can remember, very vividly the night we broke up. How I was reluctant…but wanting, to make love just one last time. We did, and if ever there was a definition to making love, that was it. His body lay trembling over mine, a single tear slid from his eye into mine. How closer can two people get?

He told me about Ashby that night, and how he’d fallen in love even when he was on assignment. He told me that the freckle bar across Michelle’s face, the one that he told me appaled him, actually made him insane with lust. He told me how he took her, as Valerie, on assignment instead of me. He told me all of these things.

I never loved anyone before him. He was my first true, requited love. I died when he told me he was in love with another woman. I died.

Three days later we did the ritual ‘Returning of the shit’. I knocked on his door, and she answered. My heart stopped beating for a good five seconds as I scanned the freckles on her face and commented….’Wow, he couldn’t even wait until his bed got cold’. I drove home that day…tormented. And I promised myself….NEVER AGAIN…

It was then that I became a player.

I used men for my own gain, my own purposes. I knew I was beautiful, and I used it then as an advantage. I made men fall madly in love with me, and then I dropped them on their asses…as if to rectify the situation. I told myself I would never let a man hurt me again. That was seven years ago…and to this day, I’ve stuck by my word.

But by hurting them, I hurt myself. I let some good ones slip past. Some, that are still pining away for me to this day, and really, who can blame them? After all, I am the most beautiful girl in the world…

But I always wondered…how this one man got to me. How out of anyone, he was the one who conquered. I was his Valerie, with the single strand of pearls…tossed away, for a freckle bared freak in a leather teddy. How was this possible?

Later, I would fuck his best friend in front of him.

(And did I mention that he cheated on freckle face with me too????)

How’s that for revenge???

Of course, it didn’t do a thing for me…and to this day, am I satisfied with the life I’ve lead????

…Absolutely no regrets…