24 Karat Memories

There are three pieces in my jewelry collection that I would consider pawning.

I’ve never pawned anything in my life actually. But these three pieces, two rings and a bracelet, sit in a black velvet jewelry box at the bottom of my lingerie drawer, just in case I’m ever in financial trouble.

Here’s the kicker. As I lay in bed last night, thinking of a way out of paying taxes, I remembered that little box. Slowly I began thinking of each piece individually…then BAM! I realized they were all ‘gifts’ from men in my life…the married ones.

I don’t think it was conscious decision on my part. Actually I choose the pieces not because of significance, but because they are all gold, and I won’t be caught dead in anything but platinum.

There’s something to be said about the conquest of a married man. Knowing he’s with you while the woman he has committed himself to sits and waits at home. The feeling of that ringed finger inside you…it’s just easier that way. If the communication is there…and they know you’re not a crazy looney expecting them to leave their wives, it’s easy. No emotion, no commitment, easy to walk away. It was easier for me at the time too. No strings attached. And there’s something to be said for the thrill of getting caught…

The first piece is Chad. A gold bracelet he had given me from a trip to Mexico with his wife. The links intertwine, and is too gaudy of a piece for any woman in her right mind to wear. I guess the sentiment was there. I met Chad in the spring of my first college year as a waitress in an all night restaurant. He was a cook. We flirted day in and day out, until one day he passed me a plate and I noticed a ring on his left hand. We tried to let it go, but the emotions were there. We ended it when his wife got pregnant.

The second, Patrick. A gold ring with an aquamarine gem in the shape of a heart. Another faux paux for me. I don’t do things in the shapes of hearts. Tacky. Actually, not really a gift at all, the ring was given to me as collateral for a loan I gave him and his wife. As you can probably guess, I never got paid back. Patrick was a relationship of convenience. Both of us relying on each other to forget our other relationship woes. And we shared the love of fucking while high. Something I’ve since got over.

The last and most important being Michael. My one true slip up, because I fell in love. The ring was a gold cathedral setting, in the middle, my birthstone in a princess cut. Peridot, for August…the color of a lion’s eyes in the middle of the night when the light hits just perfectly. Michael never gave me that ring, I actually bought it from him in the jewelry store we both worked in, hence the memory. I can’t really sum him up in a paragraph, and so I’ll save him for a future entry, all his own.

I think back to those relationships, and although I am over such conquests, I still get a little smile on my face.

I’m someone’s dirty little secret.