Weary, in need of a Couch

I don’t know why I keep avoiding writing here. It’s a new year. New things… new… new… new…

I just feel all worn out and used. Like I just don’t have a place. I keep wanting to rewind and look back at things. I am scared I’m going to get trapped in it though. I’m afraid of everything I have to learn in order to move forward and become new. I’m too used to this old shabby beat up and destroyed model of my life that I’ve been driving around. it’s outdated, doesn’t get good mileage. Hell, I don’t have a cd player yet. Why won’t I upgrade. It’s pretty simple. Take the old broken thing in, come out with a new shiny one… with a freakin long warranty.

I dunno… I guess I am going to have to do a couple of laps around my life before I can break away and burn a new path. What is up with my picturesque words today? I guess I feel detatched.

Last night, my stepmom kept saying I needed a couch… I need therapy. Heh, I probably do. I just don’t want to. I was so sad last night. I felt like I was putting on masks for everyone, and I was sick of it… and the moment I act like myself, people are looking at me like I’m crazy. And I just felt like people only like the person I become for them and not really me.

This is dumb. I’m just so weary. Really really weary. I don’t have anything to be sad about… at least nothing thats really worth my time.

Shut up Monique. Go do something with yourself.

It seems so easy for some people to critise eh ? Maybe if they walked a mile in our shoes, they’d realise what it’s like to be ‘us’. The ‘New Year’ is a good time to start living a better way, but only if you’re ready for it. If you truly want to change, and are willing to take a little ‘pain’ to achieve the ‘gain’, the go for it ! In the meantime don’t try to change to fast-you AR

Sweetheart the new year brings worries and old things back to the surface for all of us. You can lay on my couch and talk my ear off any day of the week hun. ~hugs~

hun.. I understand how scary therapy sounds.. believe me. But if you go, and stick to it, you will be amazed at the progress you can make.. it’s funny how things will just start making sense to you.. and understanding is the first step to growing and changing.. believe me again.. therapy is GOOD. I personally think EVERYone needs it.. hehe.. hey – when I get my degree (you know in 2070) I

will be your therapist for free.. =) But as for your trouble moving on to new things.. understand this. You are not the only one. There is a comfort in the old.. in what we already know. Even if it is pain.. there is comfort. And it’s hard to just release that comfort and move on into unknown territory, even if that new path leads you to happiness.. even if that means releasing pain… its

all about faith. you have to know that no matter WHAT happens, you WILL Be okay.. that is faith in yourself. In order to have faith in yourself, and your life’s decisions -whether they are mistakes or not – you must love yourself.. and what a gem you are. One day you will realize what everyone else sees. One day you will see your own magic.. *big hug* you will be okay.. just take that leap

of faith in you. =)

I know how that is. I used to put on masks for everyone, and when I stopped, people needed to get used to the real me, and now, what they initially thought was a wee bit crazy turns out to just be me. The real me. If they can’t deal with it, they’re idiots. Plus, if you can be the real you, then maybe they’ll give it a shot, too. No one is normal. There’s no such thing! hehe. 🙂