void…

So, lunch went well. No drama or weirdness. there was an awkward moment at the start. We got to the restaurant first so they met us at the table. My mother hugged me and started crying. I thought I would feel something. but I didn’t. It was like a cold hard lump in my chest, but no emotion. I don’t know. it was good to see her and introduce Elias to her. I loved seeing my sisters too, they are both so big. But… there was a noticeable void inside of me. I felt like… I didn’t feel what I should have felt. I don’t know. I don’t have time to think about it, my baby is tormenting my living room. I’ll come back later.

 

 

 

 

 

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 (A zombie apocalypse survival diary, for your reading pleasure and future knowledge when they take over the world. Yes, I am the author.)  

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September 23, 2013

It’s been 8 years… you can’t expect too much from yourself, hun. She’s been a basic stranger for 8 years. That doesn’t change because all of a sudden she wants to mend fences. ((HUG))

September 23, 2013

ryn: Thanks for the note! It’s refreshing to know that there are people on here who have gone through the same crap I’m going through…makes it nice to vent on here, b/c I can get advice/encouragement from someone who has already dealt with it…

September 23, 2013

*hugs* love,

your response is normal. She may be your biological mom, but attachment and bonding aren’t totally reliant on biology. I am glad however that it went well. Good luck going forward with whatever evolved between you two.

September 23, 2013

Hugs.

September 24, 2013

I think with time the proper feelings will come along. It’s been a long time and your mother really hurt you. Don’t feel bad for feeling a certain way. Seems completely normal to me. Thanks for your note. You are the best!

September 24, 2013

Please know that there is no right or wrong way to feel about this. you just feel how you feel. you don’t have to feel affection for her you don’t have to feel hate. You owe her nothing, and to me meeting up with her, having lunch shows a great maturity and capacity to love.

September 24, 2013

I think you felt exactly as you were supposed to feel.

September 24, 2013

You feel bad about not feeling emotional about the situation, but you shouldn’t. *hugs*

September 25, 2013

ryn: HOW DID YOU READ ALL THE HIDDEN TACO & PIZZA TEXT?!