the secret thing i didn’t want to write about

OK, the “secret” taht I was ranting and raving over. How do I begin this.

I initiated contact. I emailed him from the website and said he seemed interesting.

he wrote me back almost immediately…

and we wrote back and forth about NORMAL THINGS. not sex and how fun it is, and our favorite positions and when we could hook up and bone (like all the others… like meathead… heh) Instead he told me about his job and his schooling and what he aspired to do with his degree. He told me about his son and how he took him out trick or treating and how he loved him and thought he was the cutest 3 year old ever. he was just silly and fun and honest and real and had a lot of the qualities I look for in a guy: goals, ambition, drive, responsibility….

yeah…

and it didn’t hurt that he was hurt me hot and had tattoos and stuff. growr.

so yeah, we were REALLY hitting it off. so, since he’s really busy, he got an opening for free time on Thursday and wanted to spend it with me. Of course I accepted, I was dying to meet him!!! so, thursday night was when we planned to meet up at my house. We were gonna watch a movie and stuff.

I was so excited… if it worked out it would be really cool. I knew he was a busy person, so I wasn’t expecting “insta-relationship”, but at least sparks or a connection or… something. I was hoping we’d cuddle or something. I didn’t even want to get laid, i just wanted someone that cool to hold me for a little while.

I didn’t want to talk about it in my diary, cuz I would have gushed and ooed and ahhhed about him and then… exactly what happened would have and DID happen and then I’d be left with entries that would make me cringe and cry later. so i refrained.

anyway… he came over around 11 at night. he had forgotten his movie, so I picked one. Let me back up…

when he got out of his car he looked so cute. I wanted to pounce him right there… I think he was debating hugging me, but i got suddenly REALLY nervous and didn’t give him a chance. Yeah, i don’t know what that was all about. I get nervous, but I don’t generally act like that. So anyway… we came up to my place and I checked on my boys to make sure they were sleep.

i don’t have a couch. I had made a sorta “pallet” on the floor with pillows and blankets, but he sat on a chair.

I chose 28 days later for the movie because I had just bought it and wanted to see it.

turns out, dude likes ROMANCE movies… heh. but he said my choice was ok. so we start to watch it and i’m trying to make my moves. I’m talking (probably WAY TOO MUCH) and trying to make him laugh. I did the whole “ooo your watch is cool, can i see it” thing… god he had gorgeous hands and this skin that was like *melt* sooo nice. i only felt it a little though, i was so tempted to molest his hands though. yum.

but he didn’t really respond. I tried to make him “play” with me, i showed him my legs, i invited him to sit next to me… i did all kinds of krap.

no response.

I got up to use the bathroom.

I got back and like 5 minutes later his cell rings and someone is calling to ask him to pick them up. it was 1 am… who would call someone like that? but i guess people do.

and so… he left. He sorta hugged me when he left, but he ran out of my door way too fast for me to not get the hint. I’m sure he called someone to bail him out when I went to the bathroom.

*sigh*

I made another mistake by emailing him right after he left. I said something like “I know you don’t like me, i’ll understand if you never write me again”

he wrote back saying something like “don’t say things like that. i’m busy, i can’t do anything with anyone”

and he hasn’t written me since. He wrote me every day even when he only had a few minutes, but after meeting me, he does the “nice guy” thing and disapears after.

I don’t like being rejected. it hurts, but whatever. it’s what happened.

he was just so… ideal.

like THAT krap ever works out. not in my life.

so that’s what made me all sad and had me wanting to plunge into traffic at rush hour.

i’m not done with this craziness yet.