Stolen Kisses = Sexual Frustration

I feel a LOT better today. I was asleep before 10 and slept fairly decent. I only woke up a few times around 3 and 4 instead of hourly, so I guess my body decided it wanted all the rest it could manage!

I have many things I want to write about, including all the important stuff that’s happened in the last week or so since I fell off the writing wagon.

But that will come later.

For now I want to write about the things that have happened in the last 12 hours or so. ha ha.

So in backwards fashion, there was a homeless man on the train this morning… a black man… reading a bible… in spanish… with a horrible accent. It was interesting. He then proceeded to talk about random everything to nobody because everyone around him just looked annoyed and like they wanted him to shut it.

Oh well.

Last night I made yummy sausages and potatoes, but couldn’t eat much because Baboo and I got free tacos from Jack in the Box. I actually drove him home with me because I went to his office when I jetted out of work early and took a nap in a chair and stuff. he was really cute yesterday.

Last night I was SOOOOO HORNY.

omg, i felt like I was going to explode. My freedom to masturbate when I get in that mood is completely annihalated now with Baboo living with me. I sorta need privacy and "prep time" hahahaahah. Unless I’m drunk and just doing it for kicks and giggles (and then I don’t care if he’s in the room)… it’s just not possible.  So it’s sort of a bummer to have a man who isn’t willing to give it up on command.

hahahah. Sit! Stay! Sex!

Anyway, I did try. I was molesting him and practically raping him, but it was a no go. Eventually I went to take a shower, but I wasn’t able to do much there because I was just too frustrated and I sorta wanted to watch porn, which wasn’t gonna happen with him there cuz he gets all awkward and weird about it.

ANYHOW, I did manage to steal some kisses… well… after I practically begged for them.

We haven’t had real intense kisses in so long. Months and months.

It felt really nice and my heart started to beat out of my chest and I was hoping he’d get turned on too and maybe decide a little bit of sex wouldn’t hurt him.

but I got 3 nice french kisses and a few more regular ones and then he turned over and went to sleep.

It was seriously disappointing.

Whatever.

JUST WHATEVER!

He blames my brother.

and NOW HE CLAIMS THAT EVEN WHEN WE SWITCH ROOMS HE STILL WONT’ WANT TO HAVE SEX.

who the hell says that bullshit?

My boyfriend, that’s who.

It’s like being told you can never have something for the rest of your life because of something stupid.

Like "you can’t have cookies anymore because they’re crunchy" or " you can’t drink juice anymore because it has a color." or  "you can’t eat pizza anymore because it’s round and might have cheese on it."

SERIOUSLY.

lame.

and stupid.

yes, I understand NOT wanting to have loud rowdy sex with minors who might hear.

BUT I’M NOT ASKING FOR THAT.

Sure, we do like it loud and rowdy, but there are ways to do that (like having weekends away or something) periodically, but to just have normal nice sex? It’s like he’s just fine with cutting it out of our relationship and I’m just not.

And obviously, me trying to get it doesn’t work, so I don’t want to hear anymore how a guy just has to have a little bit of a nudge and they are all about it.

Nope, I could get naked, rub my boobs all over him. give him a blow job and everything else and he’d either stop me before I started or not finish the act because it might make the bed creak a few times and my brother will know what we’re doing.

Uhhh, newsflash my boyfriend, if my brother even wants to think we’re having sex, it doesn’t matter WHAT noise comes from our room. He’s gonna think it’s happening and that is just that.

Whatever.

as you can tell i’m frustrated.

the kisses were just so good and would have been so perfect if we could have had sex and kissed.

we haven’t had sex and kissed at the same time in so long.

it’s intimacy that is just getting sucked out of us and it isn’t cool.

Our relationship can be so amazing on so many levels.

but sexually it’s just not in balance. I’m not sure what to do.

But who knows, maybe my brother won’t even get to stay with me. I don’t want him to get sent home, but it could very well happen. My mother could throw a hissy fit to end all hissy fits on Friday and that will be that. AND THEN HE WONT’ BE ABLE TO DENY ME OR I’M GONNA BE REALLY PISSED.

but if my brother stays, then Baboo is gonna have to just get kicked out of the bedroom when I need to masturbate.

and that’s that.

 (My formatting went really stupid in this entry for some reason. whatever formatting. just WHATEVER!!!!)