sex, love, and boob jobs

 

 

 

 

So I know you can’t tell, but I’m feeling mighty sexual these days.

I’m not quite in the right "state" to get any tail, but my brain is already thinking about when I am.

I don’t know what to blame for this, but whatever, I’ll rock it.

I usually don’t go into heat until after my period is over, so it’s weird to be so highly tense already when I have a good 3 more days before I’m back in service (ha ha).

I really don’t know what "he" thinks about this side of me. I know I’m pretty sexual, but I think I have it under some form of control. Last night we were watching this lifetime movie (yeah, we watch tv while we’re on the phone together… ha ha…) about sexual addiction.

Except this woman had been horribly abused by her father since she was 5 and didn’t think anyone could like her without her having sex with her.

He made an observation that he thinks I’m similar to that.

I had to concede that there is a part of me that thinks that my sexual side is my BETTER side. Not that the rest of me isn’t awesome (har har), but I think when I have sex it’s going to help make someone like me MORE. I know, that’s lame in and of itself. But it’s how I feel. Plus I really like sex. And it’s one of the ways I find out how much I like someone as well. I mean I can totally dig someone and the sex is retarded and it makes me realize that maybe the compatibility that we would need isn’t there.

Case in point, who remembers Joe? Oh i really wanted that boy. Badly. He even gave me a second chance and things were super cool without the sex.

But then we had sex. I was in a haze of REALLY wanting to like him, and even though the sex wasn’t good (it was actually really bad and bleh) I didn’t care because I really wanted to like him. But obviously the sex wasn’t so great for him either (all 10 seconds of it. har) so he stopped talking to me after that.

Which broke my heart really. But now that I think about it, without that sexual connection, the relationship would have fizzled away anyway.

Now, granted, there were some down times with "him" as well. But from jump there was definitely SOMETHING. But we were doing a "friends with benefits" deal so it didn’t require much thought. Just lets bone like monkeys wooo!

so we did.

But now, something else happens.

I forgot to mention it, but I will now.

So Sunday mornin as we’re laying there he puts his arms around me. And his fingertips brushed the skin of my back and around my torso. And I swear to god fireworks exploded along my skin and my eyes rolled into the back of my head and it was like "oh wow, he’s TOUCHING ME"… as if it was the first time.

I just don’t believe that sort of thing happens if there is no real dynamic between people. I believe we have something fantastical. At least for me. It’s always scary to ask the other person involved, because if they don’t feel the same it can then mean that something isn’t clicking on both sides. and that can hurt and be like an attack.

So I don’t ask him.

but wow. For me. wow. yeah… *siiiiiiiiigh*

It’s amazing. and to feel that electric feeling even after he’s touched me that way so many times is really awesome. I love it. It’s just… wow.

Yeah.

I love having him there. It’s so perfect me, you don’t even KNOW.

so yeah.

so many things I can’t wait to do and try.

and it’ll all be even more accessible for my brain to feel comfortable with it once i lose some weight. My desire to lose at least 20 more pounds is great. And I know I’ll be working out more and sticking to my diet as much as I can so I can make it there. Oh yes.

Speaking of my body, I have found myself thinking about some MINOR plastic surgery a lot lately. I don’t want to do anything that would change ME. But I am just not happy with my breasts. I know that breasts aren’t everything. but I’ve had two kids. And my weight flucuations have left them less than perfect. I know they don’t define me or whatever, but I long to have them… just… be better. Fuller. More perky. A full cup size instead of a cup and a half. That’s lame. I want to just look natural. I want to feel proud of them. I don’t know why, but I do. I want them to be cuter and look nicer when i’m naked.

And I think when I lose weight, bringing them up out of their slump would be pretty fantastic. Granted, nothing like this could happen for a few years.

So who knows if I’ll even still want it by then.

But right now I’m look at 2011 or 2012 (the end of the wooooorld. ha ha) to actually be ready to get a boob job. And who knows, by then they might be cheap! ha ha.

so yeah, what am i talking about?

i’m on a total tangent of silly nothingness.

I have 15 minutes of work. I always fall off around this time. I can’t make myself do anything useful.

so yeah.

blah blah sex blah blah blah boobjob blah blah blah ilovehim blah blah blah.