retail therapy

I might have a shopping disorder.

I never thought of myself as a person who always shopped to feel better. It’s not like I even have money to do the kind of shopping that can even be labeled as "retail therapy"… but I do it anyway.

Last time it was video games.

This time, I plan on taking my 2 Target gift cards (and perhaps 20 or 30 dollars) and getting a new set of pots and pans. The ones I have now have no lids and i use foil and it’s very ghetto.

It’s annoying and frustrating … and since I do like to cook it would be nice to have some semi nice pots and pans. I would love to get a set of dishes as well, at Wal Mart I can get some for 15 bucks. I also have to get some other odds and ends… but I really dont’ have the extra 15 bucks for it. We’ll see right? I only have 3 plates and one bowl. It’s lame. I need dishes damn it.

I also want to get (at Target) some new headphones. I despise these stupid earbuds. They don’t fit my ears and I can’t really HEAR the music. I can hear the treble, but the more bassy parts are lost and when I press them into my hears it’s like hearing a whole different song… a better song! So I want to get some wrap around the back poke into the ears kind (ha ha)… so yeah.

That is what I’m gonna do and it’s gonna make me feel better damn it!

New pots and pans, dishes, and headphones.

TADOW!

Now back to the TMI of the day. My god, my body is evil.

After the cramps I had last weekend I thought sure I was done with them.

but now I feel like doubling over and crying.

I feel like crap.

going home to cook is the last thing I want to do at this point, but I have to get that chicken cooked. It’s the last of my chicken breasts, so I want to make something good. But to think of chopping and crap right now just makes me want to cry…

SOOOOOO…

too bad.

I have to.

I have to stop at the grocery too.

So that’s that. I will just have to get over it.

I sure hope I can find a two pack of steaks for under 10 bucks… and spend 10 on all the rest. I hae to ration out 50 bucks on the perishables for the rest of the month.

I HATE BUDGETING.

Anyway, I was also gonna get whipped cream and hot fudge and crushed nuts and waffle bowls and vanilla ice cream so I could make mothers day sundaes (and the boys would love it) but I’m not sure I’ll have the money.

I don’t even know if I can get myself a body of "I’m depressed" champagne to drink over the weekend.

UGH. JUST UGH!!!!

I was doing better right?

and then I start to think.

You don’t even want to know how I cried in a bathroom stall when my period started.

and I just kept thinking "One more chance waisted, One more chance wasted. I’m never gonna get what I want. I just get to live with the death of another chance until all the chances die. And our baby would be so cute and I just want to hold her and smell her and be her mommy but I’m not good enough and I won’t get the chance."

Yes yes, generally lame, and a whole lot of stupid.

My biological clock is on crack and needs to get over itself.

I’m only 30… I"m not 40!

Argh.

This gum I’m chewing is annoying me.

So I’m gonna focus on getting new pots and pans and cute headphones and perhaps some new dishes (I do wish I could get the square plates and bowls! I love those so much! maybe later! I can actually get a single place setting for like 10 bucks… ha ha) and all will be well in my world.

I’ll be ok.

I have to be.

HAVE TO!

WHY IN HOLY HELL AM I STILL CHEWING THIS HEAVEN FORSAKEN GUM?!