Rapid Fire Ridiculous

My god, I had an allergy attack last night that made mynose itch like it was on fire. and now it HURTS because i scratched and r ubbed it so much.

stupid nose.

stupid allergies!!!!

 

i’m more tired today than i have been on my previous double shifts.

i don’t have any more scheduled overtime for a while, this is good.

my mother goes in for her surgery tomorrow. i’m a little nervous for her, but she seemed in good spirits yesterday when I called and she may get off on disability for about a month. It will be good for her to rest and such, so I’m hoping that it all gets approved. (it’s a shoulder surgery, outpatient, nothing super serious, but it’s the first time she’s gone for something like this and it’s scary)

What else.

I most desperately need to go christmas shopping. my mother wants me to take her this weekend, but i’m hoping i can go on friday and get it out of the way and maybe take her early sunday or something. we’ll see.

i found out that crazylunaticbitch, the lady from my old position who was the same class as me who was a total nut and did all sorts of stuff  to try and get me in trouble and/or get me fired, who got caught stealing money but didn’t get disciplined and all the rest. well i found out that her and the person who went to take my place when i left (a stupid bitch who couldn’t even last 6 months cuz "people yelled at her" boo damn hoo) both have an email conversation going basically bashing me and anyone else, calling everyone stupid and below them, and generally being petty idiots.

well it pissed me off, and they have no idea who they are messing with.

fucking ridiculous.

well i know how to do fucking ridiculous too.

just watch me.

just fucking watch me bitches.

grrrrrr.

i hate people.

still utterly devastated over the looming of my Kim leaving. I have replaced the crying fits with a mantra of "i want her happy" so… it makes it a little better. I have to stop myself from withdrawing from her. It’s my first instinct. to simply back off and run away and remove the level of intimacy that we have so that it can’t hurt me anymore. That is the wrong thing to do and Kim, if you’re reading this, I really need you to help me not do that. Because I will, even if I"m not trying to, my little insane heart can’t stand getting hurt or left alone when it doesn’t have to. And so it tries to defend itself. When my dad and stepmom made all of these plans to move to Texas (which hasn’t happend yet thank god) I totally stopped tlaking to them. I stopped visiting for months. I tried to pretend like they were already gone so that when they left it wouldn’t shock me.

 

and it’s the wrong thing to do.

 

but i do it anyway.

 

so help me.

cuz i dont’ wanna do that. but i tend to jump headfirst into lots of things i may consciously not want to do.

anyway,

enough of that talk for now. I’ll be a whiney bitch about this for a whole nother year it would seem. spleh.

Also, I hope to complete the last section of chapter 5 and ALL of chapter 6 and then post them all in a row. That’s my plan. But we’ll see if that works out. ha ha, and more ha ha.

 

i’m so tired. i need cafffffffeeeeiiiiinnnneeeee.

it’s not caffiene is it?

ha ha,

probably.

i can’t spell this early in the damn morning.