no withdrawl

I’m so sad about the father of that family in Oregon. It’s been in the news the last few days, they had left from Thanksgiving holiday and got stranded up in the mountains and the snow. They found hte mother and two kids (she had breast fed them to keep them alive, which is just awesome and amazing) but the father, who had gone to try and get help, they found dead. I just heard about it.

I was hoping he’d be alive.

Very sad.

*sigh*

I’m up this early to take my mother to the hospital. She’s freaking out thinking she won’t wake up. I’m sure she’ll be fine, but I understand her stress.

I’m fighting really hard to be normal. I want to withdraw so bad and just never talk to anyone ever again. It would only be painful and lonely for a little while. i mean, i’d have my kids and the people i encounter at work and such… but trying to make friendships and have any sort of life hurts.

and i seriously have to fight against wanting to flee from that.

my family has a history of addiction (and not surprisingly) mental problems. yes, i have an a unt who is in an actual asylum cuz she was freakin nuts. (she’s a great aunt though). hell, maybe it just skipped a generation like the bad seed or something. It would be very easy for me to fall into some stupid pattern like the rest of them.

I don’t want to do drugs or become an alcoholic. I mean, i can drink, but it most certainly doesn’t hold the allure of wanting to do it ALL of the time. that would suck. and taste nasty. ha.

I don’t even really want pills or anything (though, if i had to choose a vice, it’d be that.)

oops, gotta go.

ha.

anyway, i’m trying hard to and making a huge effort to keep updating and such. i even read some fav’s yesterday. go me!

i won’t withdraw.

be back later!