is a baby worth it?
Ok, so lets talk about the "baby talk"
It’s actually nothing "great"… it was sorta depressing.
I was basically told to quite wanting what I’m not gonna get. hahahha.
He’s worried about the fact that it requires a monetary and emotional cost that is bigger than what he feels like he can handle.
I understand that, it’s not like I am delusional.
But I also don’t think it’s impossible.
To be fair, I’m really not giving him the full picture of what is going on in my head.
I really SHOULD, but it’s way too much to just plop onto someones plate all at once.
I WANT TO tell him all sorts of things… but I just can’t right now. It’s not "right"…
We are on a good path. We have our little struggles, but really, this has to be the calmest relationship I have ever been in. It’s nice, I hate rocking the boat, but I have a clock, and it’s a tickin!
He told me that his clock says in maybe a decade and a half, he’ll be ready.
Right, starting your family at 45 years of age is no problem for a boy, but really, it’s out of the question for me.
And maybe that’s what’ll kill us.
He just WON’T want the future I want.
and in a relationship, that is nothing but doom.
Because eventually he will go off to find his 20-something blossom who can spit out his single solitary kid (with no other kids to bother with from previous indiscretions) and she’ll probably speak spanish and be wonderful and amazing to bring home to his mother and wouldn’t that just be so awesome? Because that’s what he wants in his perfect world.
No use deluding myself into thinking that I AM what he would choose if he could start with what is perfection.
But reality shows that I’m pretty damn awesome and he’s quite lucky to have landed me…
so at least there is that.
And quite honestly, I think what we have is way more valuable than an ideal and what we have is worth fighting for and working with and creating something more awesome than the "ideal" probably would.
I don’t know.
We got into a huge discussion about money and taxes and handling business like adults. We talked about credit histories and just all the mire and muck BOTH of us are stranded in.
I feel like, if we are there to support each other, things are going to be ok.
His flight response is high. My fight response is high.
So there ya go.
I’ll hold him back from running and we will fight together.
but it STILL does not change the fact that I want another child. It doesn’t change the fact that I want HIS child. I can’t even say it in terms that don’t make me seem crazy and selfish.
that I want that bond and connection.
That I want that reflection of how much I love him.
but would i really want to give up my relationship because he doesn’t want to have a baby with me?
*sigh*
well in the midst of writing this, something has happened at work that has sorta pissed me off and I’m not in the mood anymore.
whatever.
lunch in ten.
lean cuisine chicken friend rice bowl.
i’d rather have pizza.
if you really want a another baby, the feeling isn’t going to change, and it won’t be fair to you if he doesn’t. (did that even make sense?)
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what I’m hearing you say is that you *don’t* want another baby. It’s not the clock that’s bothering you so much as the fact that you want the connection to HIM. So, without him, you don’t want a baby, right? I’m just trying to make sure I understand. Dolce and I *can’t* have babies and it kills him that I have two from someone else. It’s something that we struggle with. And even though I…
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…don’t want more children, I would have Dolce’s if I could. So I understand where you’re coming from.
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hopefully you guys will be able to work through things in time. what’s meant to be will happen, i guess?
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I understand what your reasoning there. I kinda hope he changes mind so that in a year or two you can have the best of both worlds.
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Stupid work. Maybe he’ll come around. I hope so.
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I guess you have to decide whether its worth the gamble that he might change his mind in a few years, it is possible. Or you could spike his drink with Viagra and sleeping pills and have your way with him after he passes out. Just a thought.
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Well…Phillip and I, both want to have a child together…and, we would’ve had one by now, if he’d had it his way…but…I’m the one, whose somewhat holding back, with trying to better prepare myself, This Time, (rather then, to how un-prepared I was, the last time, I got pregnant), and, I just want to make sure, with this time, that…I have things going, the way I feel comfortable with, and
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the way I want them to be! But yeah…as I’ve stated many times before…I know how it feels to only want to have a child, with the one you love! It’s just that…indescribable desire of love that you have, that you have with that person, and therefore, the reason why you want a child of their’s with them, and you KNOW, that it wouldn’t be the same with anyone else’s child!
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So yeah, I get it!
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That’s a hard place to be in. Maybe he’ll come around before the decade is up? A lot of stuff could happen between then and now, and not necessarily bad stuff.
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Aw… this is tough stuff..
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