insanity on wheels…!!!!

 

Oh.

Indeed.

Yesterday I was just sitting on the bus. I normally don’t pay attention to anything, i just zone out.

Yesterday we were at a stop light and I was looking into a store front where they were taking down decorations. It was a furniture store. Leather couches. I was coveting them, I want a leather couch…

And out of the door walks a man.

I think to myself

"Ew… he looks like Carlos. He has the same hairline. He has the same body. He has the same eyes….

he…

has…

the…

SAME BIG ASS MOTHER FUCKING SCAR ON HIS MOTHER FUCKING FACE! THAT IS CARLOS!!!!"

yes friends.

My estranged non-husband was just strolling down the street like he had not one single care in the world. He had a blue tooth in his ear. so he obviously has a phone (the number of which he is not sharing with me or the car loan people…) and he is obviously alive and well.

I’m the type, the stupid type, that thought "maybe something DID happen to him. I would never know, nobody knows how to contact me…"

but that was just… me being stupid.

that fucker is fine.

alive and well.

and ruining my life and possibly destroying my ability to take care of my children, one of which IS HIS DAMN KID.

fucking insanity on fucking wheels.

seriously.

what the fuck.

So yeah. I seriously contemplated jumping off the bus. But then it started moving and the next stop was a little ways up and by then my common sense had kicked in.

I would have attacked him.

It would have been something resembling the Tazmanian Devil on Looney Tunes. A few things would have happened. I’d have either killed him by clawing his eyes out and ripping apart his face… I’d have given myself a heart attack, a stroke, or some other sort of thing that would have had me in the hospital. My bloodp pressure is already high an dmy heart was POUNDING in my ears just sitting on the bus. Or i would have freaked out in public, probably missed my train, gotten arrested… or something freaking out on him. And then he’d know I worked downtown and my life would be even worse.

Realize I haven’t seen this man in over TWO YEARS. And the last time we spoke was probably 6 to 8 months ago.

It’s… it’s…

It’s beyond me really.

but i have been asking god for SOMETHING to kick me in the ass.

and that was it.

that fucker is going to pay.

he is not going to see me coming.

and he is going to regret ever crossing me.

i was going to go right after work and file the stolen vehicle AND a missing persons report on him. but i realized that since jon is back in school it would not be responsible of me to keep him out too late, especially since i get home at 7 which is an hour and a half before his bedtime and yeah… so…

yeah.

but it is on.

 

i wonder if i can file the reports over the phone. probably not, but i’ll call and ask. otherwise it’s the first thing i’m gonna do saturday.

 

yeah.

life is crazy.

the odds of seeing him like that in Los Angeles… are huge.

but saw him i did. there is no doubt.

and while it would have felt good to confront him and see his face fly off with shock (and then as i pulled it off with my fingernails….) it was just the little boost i needed to let me know that he has a care free whatever life and a big portion of MY life is being held captive by HIM.

and it’s time for me to take it back.

no typo edits.