I’m really bitchy, you’ve been warned

I told myself I wouldn’t test till Friday… but I got up at 2 in the morning and tested anyway.

I wasn’t sleeping. I was waking up every 5 or 10 minutes, no joke.

I’d fall asleep and when I’d wake up again I’d think "it has to have been an hour or more…"

and it would be like 2 minutes.

blah!!!!!!

Oh, if you’re wondering, the test was negative.

I’m like 99% sure I’m NOT pregnant.

i had cramps on both sides and in my legs for about half an hour. I also got a headache. All period symptoms. Maybe it’s just taking its sweet time, but JEESH.

I also had a fever last night, so much so that Baboo could feel the heat radiating off of me. He thinks I caught a virus or something. i am breaking out like a pre-teen. I don’t know WHAT is going on with me.

I hate to sound bitchy, but I KNOW MY BODY. And everyone wants to say "oh this stuff happens"… WELL IT MIGHT HAPPEN TO YOU BUT IT DOESN’T HAPPEN TO ME. Please stop saying that to me. If that’s what you want to note, be aware, I’ve read it. I got it. Maybe you’re right. But I’m really not in the frame of mind to interpret it all correctly. I’m just a mess. And I don’t want to offend anyone, as I said in my previous entry. I don’t want people to say "I’ll never leave THAT WHORE ANOTHER HONEST NOTE!!!!"

it’s not that. I’m just NOT in the mood for it right now.

At least I’m telling you right?

I don’t HAVE weird abnormal periods. My body isn’t all crazy and unpredictable. I don’t have issues with my cycle. I’m one of those normal girls who goes through life without thinking about it too much becuase I haven’t had to. I’ve been late a couple times, but it’s been over a year, almost TWO since that happened. So it’s not something I deal with all of the time. It’s just frustrating to be told that it just "happens" and I’m "fine" when that’s not something I’m used to. I don’t even care about the pregnancy aspect of it anymore. I’m not. If I was, those tests would be picking it up for sure because I’m now 5 (or 4, depending on what you look at) days late. That’s not some little amount of time. It’s almost a fucking week. Of course I seem emotional and hormonal, my body is fucking losing it’s goddamned mind right now and I don’t know why.

Yeah yeah, I’m getting older and all that shit, but STILL, it’s just weird and not RIGHT!!!!

I’m agitated and I want to scream. Even Baboo is getting sick of me and I don’t blame him. I just want to run away from everything and deal with this and come back when I’m normal.

My kids really got on my nerves and once again I drove to work. I had to scrounge up quarters and crap to pay for parking because I don’t have any cash. It’s just a mess.

I want to go back to my normal please.

Oh well.

so maybe I’ll bleed today.

Right now it feels like my right ovary is going to burst open. It’s actually tender and swollen on that side. I can feel it and see it.

Maybe I have a tumor or something.

I’m not trying to make light of that, but what the fuck do I know?

Yeah yeah, I know. I need to go to the doctor.

I’ll go at some point if  I need to.

I guess.

whatever.