I feel drugged, I’m a girl, crying over a smell?

 

 

 

 

They’re messing with the little editor. There is an arrow and I can make it collapse.

Interesting.

So hello.

I can’t believe it’s only 11 right now.

I’m tired.

Like stupid tired. I keep find my eyes closing.

I drank my slim fast, so I should have some energy. but it’s not working.

dumb everything.

So I said I would write some stuff about "him"… but there really isn’t much to write.

We talked on the phone off and on throughout the weekend. We didn’t have any major discussions, though I wanted to. I’m feeling like I can’t say what I want because things feel precarious. But I need to get over it. I told him last night that I would tell him some things.

But I still feel hesitant. The things that I would say create a huge vulnerability on my end. And I don’t like that much. I don’t like losing control of my … safety. Not that he would hurt me, but my emotions, if i show them, will become easy targets.

And it’s not that he does anything wrong. But he’s a boy. and his reactions to "girly" things are very BOYISH. And right now I just don’t think I could withstand a less than positive reaction. I don’t know.

I keep hearing someones phone on vibrate and it’s pissing me off.

I have some seriously weird hormones in my body right now. I’m feeling all loopy and druggy.

And my limbs are heavy and hard to control. It’s even hard for me to type. It feels like electricity is surging through my fingers.

it sucks. GO AWAY.

I feel anticipitory. Like I’m waiting for something ot happen. and nothing is due to happen.

blah!

i don’t like it!

so more about him…

that’s the other thing. My attention span is for shit. I can’t focus.

So him.

I miss him. I know I saw him a little under a week ago. So it’s not like it’s been all that long. but I still do.

He left one of his shirts at my house and I washed it on Saturday.

But not before I buried my face in it cuz it smelled like him. I miss his smell.

sigh sigh sigh.

SIGH.

now i’m gonna cry.

what the hell.

i’m dumb.

i guess i’ll go cuz i’m being dumb.

i can’t wait till lunch. I’m starving.