I feel cute today, but I feel so crazy

 

 

 

Hellooo Dexter! Lookin good! Fly Snail! Fly!!!!!

23 Days. and counting…

So my hair is cute today. I should have taken a picture. It was REALLY CUTE before I went out into the wind.

I experimented with my flat iron and curling up the ends (and straightening the parts that had started to go crazy fuzzy… stupid fake hair!)  and then I braided it. When I unbraided this morning it was all wavy and super shiny and cute.

but the wind has raped my hair and now it’s just sorta kinda wavy and blah.

Oh well. I still feel cute!

Last night I went home to make my beef and it had gone bad.

STUPID BEEF!

I’m sorta fed up with beef and eating more and more chicken. but nothing can replace a good juicy steak every now and again!

I think I deleted a fav on accident. but I can’t remember who.

oops.

Anyway, so I made bootleg orange chicken stir fry something. It needed help. Definitely needed some green onions and to bread and fry the chicken first. And definitely needs to be eaten with rice instead of angel hair pasta.

Lesson Learned. Catalogue for Future Use.

*blip blip blop*

computer compute!

Anyway, after my somewhat failed dinner (I ended up pouring red chili sauce all over it and burning my mouth for a second time, which my body did not like later!) I did my work out for a good hour and a half. I probably burned 500 cals, but I switched to non work out mode during the last 40 minutes, so I’m not sure.

I’m able to do most routines on difficult, so I feel all super cool.

This weekend is game day at my dads so I can compare my skills with my sister.

We get so competitive.

I want to be better than her.

ha ha.

I’m lame, wanting to beat a 19 year old at Dance Dance Revolution.

har har.

Anyway, then I talked to Baboo for a little while.

I tried to convince him to come over, but it was a no go.

I am a brat and want more sex.

I’m in heat.

need need want want.

i masturbated twice and went to be unsatisfied.

I really REALLY need to be kissed. Like long make out session kisses.

It sucks that I have to negotiate kisses out of my boyfriend. We have to plan and prepare and it’s a big stupid deal instead of a natural occurance.

I hate that we both get tired and sex is like a quickie all the time.

I long for a marathon session.

I read a fav who had a bunch of sex.

sex on sex on sex.

for a whole day.

I remember doing that.

Sex, rest, sex, rest, eat, sex, nap, sex, sex, sex, eat some more, rest, sex sex sex… mmmm sexxxxxxx.

Of course, the memories are clouded with bitter sweet toxic death memories of the times spent with "you know who" … the haunter of my thoughts the last few days. and then I just want to scream and bury a hatchet in my brain.

Speaking of haunting.

There must be some crazy planet alignment going on, cuz lots of people from my past are contacting me. It’s disconcerting. I feel like something is going to happen.

Ugh.

I have a mini brownie in front of me.

I didn’t really want it, but I hate saying no when people feel all happy offering stuff.

I know how it feels to bring something in tow ork and feel all proud that you are sharing.

Or maybe that’s just me.

anyway, I took it and I might just have it with lunch.

I forgot the bread I wanted to make toast with today.

UGH!!!!

I’M SICK OF CRACKERS AND PEANUT BUTTER FOR BREAKFAST.

I can have some Honey bunches of Oats, but I have no bowl.

and eating a pile of cereal makes people stop and stare into my cube like I’m an alien.

So what if I’m an alien, they don’t have to look at me like I am!!!!

Thoughts on top of thoughts.

things reminding me of people who have slipped from my life like sand through my fingers.

the fact that I’ve hung on to you (my favs for longer than 2 years) is quite a feat.

I’m a pro at losing people.

At dodging long term.

Of hiding myself.

It’s easy here to be open and free.

but I often wonder what some really think of me.

If they think I’m just lame or dumb or stupid sauce. but quite the amusing wreck of a life, can’t stop looking, pass the popcorn.

Don’t we all have that?

I don’t know.

So anyway, Baboo might come over tonight. We have a movie to watch called "Hellevator: Bottle of Fools". It’s foreign and will either have really bad dubbing or sub-titles.

I hate watching sub-titles on my small tv, so we may endup watching in my living room.

i need a couch.

I want a big fluffy comfy one.

Maybe next year.

always next year.

I want an ipod and I just might buy one for my second birthday present.

My first birthday present is my Vegas trip.

and to honor 3, my third present will be a nice new outfit to wear there when we go out to the clubs.

IF we go out to the clubs. I keep going back and forth. I really want to experience it, but it’s a lot of money to get the passes for 3 (150 bucks) and the atmosphere might make me go crazy (waaaaay too many people!!!) and maybe I should just leave it alone.

but I really want to. (wanna go to the Palms and hit all the clubs and bars there, you can get a pass for all three!)

I guess it’ll depend on Baboo. (and how much money he puts in… ha ha)

i asked him if he was excited and he said he had to NOT BE excited right now. Because it’ll take over his brain and he won’t sleep.

he’s such a cute lunatic.

super cute.

Yeah yeah, he’s been at my house for 2 nights, but I missed him last night. I tossed and turned and flopped around my bed til almost midnight because he wasn’t there.

So many things I want to say to him, but I always lose the nerve.

the nerve to speak and make it known.

blah.

anyway… i might pick him up tonight. I don’t kow what I’ll feed him (the temptation to go out to eat is so BIG… ugh!) but we might go eat somewhere.

but then I’m gonna make him go home with me and kiss my neck and run his fingers softly across my chest and pull me close and make soft sweet love to me.

that’s what I want.

I bet he won’t.

We’ll fuck and it’ll be delicious, but it won’t be soft and sweet filled with long lingering kisses and our breath mixing together and staring at each other in heavy syrupy thick moments where we just merge our spirits together and just combust.

GOD I WANT THAT.

i need that from him right now, he just doesn’t know.

Oh well.

I’m supposed to be working.

Ugh.