Epic Fail *lots of timi, you’ve been warned*

 the only good thing that happened was the really nice sex last night. but after writing this out, i don’t even want to have sex anymore. i’m an epic fail.

Well… Everything sucks.

and here’s why!

*Ok, so this first thing doesn’t, it’s just funny. so last Thursday, Baboo and I went out to eat. We went to the Elephant bar and there were these two hot chicks sitting near us. This old guy (who was already drunk) came in and sat next to them and ordered a beer. He suddenly starts hitting on them with "EXSCUSE ME MISS!" as his opening line… every time. The two girls were already in a few drinks in and were humoring him until their male friend came and they started to ignore him. The old guy was all flustered and put out and when the hottie sitting closest to him left to go sit somewhere else with the guy he got really upset and left… without paying his tab. The bartender got all sorts of upset and chased after him (Baboo and I saw the guy walking across the street) but couldn’t find him… until old guy came BACK and the bartender chased after him into a restaurant across the way. The old guy came back to pay and was all upset, but it was funny.

and the Dodgers lost cus they suck.

*Also on Thursday I found out Jacob had an ear infection. I have no idea how he got it, but it turns out me using him as being "sick" panned out. Poor baby. He’s fine, just on anti biotics.

*Friday I went to the doctor. I had a panic attack before hand, of which Baboo got a front seat. He didn’t understand it. blah.

*My doctor was actually really cool. She took about 20 minutes before the exam to talk to me about my history and my concerns. She was this really nice black lady with kind eyes. Anyway, my blood pressure was high *siiiiiiiiigh* and so she put me on meds immediately for that. BAH!!!! I’m also on a potassium supplement because the meds for the blood pressure can make that level drop too low.

WHAT EVER.

*So I’m sitting there naked in that stupid gown talking about how I want to have another baby and she basically looks at me like I’m crazy and says "Well we really need to work on gettingyou into better health before you do that."

*sigh* I wanted to burst out into tears right there.

My blood pressure is the main thing. It’s just too high. And if I got pregnant right now I’d immediately be high risk and it would all be very dangerous and bad.

So I have to lose weight and hope and PRAY that it decreases my blood pressure. She also ordered me some blood tests, which I’ll just get to those results now.

After a 12 hour fast it looks like I have high cholesterol and I’m in danger of early heart disease if I don’t get it under control annnnnd I am anemic. wheee!

I’m awesome right?

I’m probably gonna get MORE meds and its just gonna be stupid. I feel old…

OH YEAH, how did I fail to mention that my BMI NOW CLASSIFIES ME AS OBESE.

So yeah, i’m fat. People can say I’m not, but OBVIOUSLY I am. and OBVIOUSLY it’s a problem because the Dr. went on and on about how I need to pick up on my work outs and lose the weight if I want to improve my health. I’ll just come out and say it, I’m 162 pounds. At my height, that’s not cool. It’s really all in my stomach and butt. I look pregnant (as people keep kindly reminding me and asking me about)… so yeah. I’m just a super whale butt and if I don’t lose the weight I can kiss all of my future dreams goodbye.

I don’t even feel sick, but I guess I am.

*sigh*

so then she goes into the exam. She shows me how to do a breast exam.

Nothing is more weird than laying and watching your doctor look at you as you touch your boobs… and then have her touching them.

blah.

NO WAY COULD I HAVE HAD A MAN DO THIS!!!!!

And then as she goes down for the vaginal part I want to run away.

she says "your skin looks healthy down here."

ummm, great? I don’t know what to make of that,but that’s good right? No weird warts or lesions. ha ha… *blink*.

Then she starts asking me random questions about stuff I can’t even remember as as she starts poking around and using speculums and blah blah blah. She also did an examination of my ovaries (yay, more doctor fingers all up in my stuff! wheee!)and said everything looked fine. She said it probably was a cyst that made things weird a while ago and that it had burst on its own.

blah.

whatever.

so she goes away and lets me dress and comes back and we make an appt for 3 weeks from then so we can go over my lab results and she wants me to lose 2 pounds by then.

*sigh*

Well I hopefully will lose more than 2 pounds.

my spirit is completely broken by all of this shit. just BROKEN.

I’m all fat and killing myself and there is no way I can have another baby in this condition.

To top it all off, I got two stupid vaccinations for tetanus and meningitis… and my ARMS HURT where I got the shots. They’ve hurt since Friday, really bady too. No wonder babies cry for days!

And I also felt sick with body aches and fevers off and on all weekend long. I’ve been miserable.

I know that Baboo will probably read this and be like "eh?!" because I haven’t really talked to him about the fact that until I lost weight (like a lot of it) and get my blood pressure and cholesterol WAY down, there is no way I can have a baby. I shouldn’t even WANT TO right now because it’ll just be drama and dangerous for all of us.

so whatever.

maybe in a year right? that’s what I had planned anyway. But i really have no room for error.

non.

I feel like I’ve failed myself and my entire family with these stupid health problems.

It sucks when it’s the kind of problems you don’t even know you have.

I’ll come back and talk about Jonathon and why he got sent home on Thursday and the parent teacher conference. I’m drained.