*E Wanted:Make Out Partner (Girls Only Please)
So, I doubt I can ever teach my boyfriend to do the things I want him to do. I’ve tried, but it’s this constant push push struggle and I’m feeling all… neglected in this ONE SPOT that has been neglected since FOREVER and so now it’s starting to scream that it wants to be noticed and so here I am. (the rest of me is pretty well taken care of, the animal side is purring happily. It’s this softer side that is feeling utterly ravenous and starving…)
I wonder if I got a girlfriend who knows what girls like, if that would make it better… ???
Ha ha, isn’t that one of the big draws? You get someone who KNOWS how the female (or male, i guess) works, so you know exactly how to play it.
I dunno.
I just want to be taken care of. In a way that is too complicated to describe, but most girls know exactly what I’m talking about.
The kisses and the touches across the skin that linger.
The attention to details… like that part on the neck that’s sensitive and you just let your lips brush against it… and the soft touch on the nipple that just makes your breath catch, and the brush of fingertips against the thighs and the fingertips light across the back.
Just paying ATTENTION and feeling like… you’re… what the other person wants and not just a substitute for the fantasy they play in their head with their eyes closed.
I dunno.
I want… SOMETHING AND I’M NOT GETTING IT.
As I said, I’ve tried to explain this to Baboo and I get this "But this is who I ammmm" and… I like who he is. I like it a lot. I love the chemistry of what we have because it’s one of the things that made me so drawn to him before. We have something I can’t even describe that is just amazing… but I think even before he showed more interest in me as a whole rather than me as a few pieces seperated.
That’s almost exactly it.
i feel like i’m sliced into pieces.
I’m not a whole package.
I don’t know.
Does that make sense?
I want to be an entire utterly delicious package getting "you are mine" written all over it.
I want to be his.
but I feel like he only wants pieces of me… and I have to work so hard to fix it… I’m trying SO HARD to get this mythical body that would make him want me the way I know he would want me…
but god, why do i care?
Whatever. right now it’s an immediate need. I’ve spent the last week longing for physical contact and not getting it.
So I think it’s making me crazy.
it’s making me want soft lips and soft skin.
it’s making me want this make out session that is crazy sensual and full of lavendar explosions all over the place.
Maybe I can get it from a girl. (I can’t even think of trying for it with a boy, Baboo wouldn’t approve… ha ha)
I’m taking applications.
(and music soothes me… the Cardigans are good for it)
*E:
So someone wants me to make this entry "all notes", so I shall.
so there you have it evil. bring it on.
I did want to clarify that it’s not really that I want to go create a new relationship and such… It’s more recreational. Like… Boys have their buddies that they go drink and watch sports and golf and go to strip clubs with.
So… why can’t I have a girl that I hang out with and cry and eat ice cream and make out with (privately ha ha) just for fun?
I know, it’s WAY more complicated than that and I think I can handle something I probably can’t.
Hell, I’m not sure I’m even INTO girls. I just… wanna see if it’s fun. ha ha.
Baboo thinks I couldn’t get the kind of girl that I want and I said that I could probably get one within 3 weeks if I put the effort into it.
He said "doooo it"
but uhhh, I dunno.
My desire for it is probably more intense than the drive to actually do something as laboring as going on a hunt for a recreational make out partner.
Too much trouble.
but I’m confident enough in my "skills" to know I could get one if I wanted to. Hell, for some reason he was looking at our old emails to each other (I can’t believe I’ve sent that boy over 800 emails!) and I was an aggressive little minx! OMG. I can’t even recognize myself. I mean I was really aggressive towards him and then some. No wonder I was able to get boys and earn my slut badge with no problem. I knew what the hell I was doing.
I asked him if he wanted me to go back to being that way and he said no. So I guess he likes me settled down and more tame.
but I was a wild one, no doubt. I knew what I wanted and I went to get it. I did not accept defeat, and if I did get rejected (which did happen a lot, but usually after a good romp with the guy) it just lit a flame for me to try harder. And really, on these super hot guys (Like RS and the Hot Russian) I got what I wanted with no problems. Hell, my first 3 boyfriends were boys that I liked from afar and thought I couldn’t have and then BLAMMO landed them like it was nothing.
So I’m pretty sure I could get a girl that I wanted to…
Isn’t that enough? (wow, am I conceited much? ha ha, I guess it’s a tad bit of confidence, but it only comes out in retrospect…..)
Blah.
Maybe I should just put more effort into making Baboo see what it is I really want. I don’t need it ALL THE TIME. But I do need it.
Oh well, he’s coming over tonight. Maybe we’ll talk about it….
but probably not.
ha ha…
You want to be his yet you want to get it on with someone else? I ain’t no expert, but I don’t that’s gonna do the trick! Unless he’s involved too, that is…
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saw you on the front page. i would apply but i think im a little far away to do an effective job. *wink*
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OK, THAT was patronizing, first of all, and second of all, we know that I am a MAN, not a boy 😛
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But you’re right, I probably DID read it wrong. Silly me.
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Oh, I adore the Cardigans.
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Aw honey I get what you’re saying. You deserve someone who will pay attention to what you want and need. Lol sometimes I wonder about being with a girl too. Seriously though, you really do deserve the best. A man might act all tough and grawr, but he should still care about your desires.
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I don’t think you need a girl to do these things. If baboo isn’t giving you these things, that I think are pretty central to a loving relationship, then I’m not entirely sure how you can stick around.
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*sighs* Monique monique monique. I think you are dating my ex. Yes, I think it’s quite true. Hey, I’m always down for a good make out session. Girls do it better. Come to Jersey!
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i’ll apply! I feel the same damn way. I love my hubby more than anything, but I honestly don’t remember the last time he kissed me, besides the quick peck before he leaves for work
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Don’t think I’m quite near enough by there… What about THR?
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Sigh! I’m gonna say this again, and please, don’t hate me for it! Lol. But…There was a time, when, you’d mentioned about this diet you’re on, and wanting, (and, also rather having to lose weight, Just So You Could Please Him!) Honey…I’m here to tell ya, that…”If He Honestly Loves You Unconditionally, Then, HE’D BE JUST FINE WITH YOU, THE WAY YOU ARE!” He wouldn’t expect for you, to “go on
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a diet, and lose weight, just so he can have, “the body of a dream girl, that he wants!”) If that’s the idea, and the expectation that he has in his head, for you, then, he’s not living reality honey! And, really, partly…neither are you! (Real love, doesn’t entail requiring having to change your body type, to suit someone else’s needs!) If he doesn’t love your body, for the way it’s always been,
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Too bad you’re in SoCal. I know of a few ladies who are looking for some female companionship here in NorCal!
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then…he doesn’t REALLY love you honey! That means, that, he’s not comfortable with the way you look, and the way you are! He’s not ACCEPTING YOU, for Who You Are! He’s instead, trying to change you, into WHO HE WANTS YOU TO BE! So, Then, he can love you! And, I Thankfully, don’t have to push far with Phillip, to get him to satisfy and fulfill my desires and needs like that!
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Ryn: Yeah, I know! Thanks! 🙂
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Oh, Yeah, and I also agree with the first noter, too!
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this makes a lot of sense. u just dont have the patience to teach him & he may not want/have the capacity to learn b/c he’s done things one way for so long. bringing a girl in the mix could make ur life a little more complicated, but u could also get what u want! i really enjoyed being with girls, but i enjoy being with my bf more. give it a try, u never know til u try if its what u need.
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*waves hand* Pick me! Pick me!
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If your boyfriend won’t do to you what you want, you deserve better. I’d be your friend with benefits but I’m in Wisconsin, which is not close to California. Not at all.
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Can I just watch?!
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“Maybe I should just put more effort into making Baboo see what it is I really want” True facts. Although, it would be kind of hilarious to bag yourself a lady friend just to prove a point, haha!
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Oh, the idea of running my hands across another beautiful woman, to taste her on my lips, the feel of her swell of breast against my hand. It makes me wonder why I am straightish. I mean I’d love nothing more to do to a woman what I’d love to have done with me, the kissing and caressing, the cuddling and touching. I’d miss penetration, but the idea of maybe strapping one on in the end and riding agirl excites me. Sigh. Hope you find what you are looking for.
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“i feel like i’m sliced into pieces” – this could have come straight out of my mouth!!!
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Nah! A girl could never really suit me like that! I’m too straight, and love the feel of my man’s dick penetrating me and f*cking me too much! So, is it that…you’ve voiced your desires to him, and he just doesn’t care to do it, or…you haven’t actually directly told him of your desires yet!
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RYN: It can not be helped. You women are just too damn sexy when you want to be, I know you know what I mean that whole “getting what you want” thing you just wrote about.
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ryn: Ah, Christ, I was kidding too! I am just no good at humour, I am sorry. You seem cool, which is probably why you are on my friends list…
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PS And as for your b/f not being all touchy-feely and lovey-dovey…more the fool him. That’s the best part of any relationship. I have spoken.
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its not being conceited…its just knowing what u got! one person cannot be all things to you….im not saying u should cheat on Baboo, but if he gives u permission & he’s not gonna be the soft/tender lover u need, then maybe fulfilling that need elsewhere is a good option right now. good luck with the search (if u decide to search!)
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Three weeks? No you could find what you want in an afternoon, especially in LA!
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RYN: Which is funny since it was YOU who added me! But I figured you would have a temp lapse in memory and not know lol. =P
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Hmmm… interesting entry, to say the least!!! lol. I think you should probably go w/ the last option and put more effort into Baboo learning what you want. Because like you said, you don’t need it ALL OF THE TIME! He’s just a silly boy. And boys are DUMB!!! lol. Or you could go all the way and try shit out with a chick. What’s the worst that could happen? You could (a.) learn that you’re not intochicks and be done w/ it. or (b.) really, really dig it!!! lol. Good luck in whatever you decide. =) <3
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There is something amazing about just the feel of soft skin.. not even sexually.. just.. the neck, the small of the back… sheesh… I think I need a girlfriend 🙂 You should change your body only for yourself, not for him… And yes, let him know what you really want, but also why. It’s not like he shouldn’t enjoy that, too 🙂
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A girlfriend will just complicate things even more! Just communicate with Baboo!
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i say go for it, get a girl 🙂 What he wont do, someone else will…
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lol quite a few notes on this entry 🙂
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Too bad we’re on opposite coasts! I love a little girl/girl action.
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I don’t understand why Baboo would be encouraging this. Well, okay obviously it’s every guys dream that their girl’s gotta girlfriend. But still. The REASON you want a girlfriend is because he’s not getting the job done and that should be *Ding Ding Ding HELLO I’M AN IDIOT AND I NEED TO STEP IT UP AND GIVE HER WHAT SHE WANTS SO SHE DOESN’T GIVE UP ON ME!*
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Why do I have to be evil? And the new “potential” friend’s name is India. Isn’t that pretty? Oh and I’m adopting “stupid away!” that’s gonna be my new closing for awhile. Luuuurverly. So what was it I was gonna tell you? Oooooohhhhh. I love a good set of boobies. Bwwaahahahahahahahha! Lmao. It sounds so “stupid” coming out of my mouth. But I do. And I don’t know that I’ve ever said that. They have to be natural though. I don’t like fake boobies. And I don’t like the women that the fake boobies always happen to be on. I once flirted like “heavily” with this one lady that I met at a “store”. And I know that if I wanted to “have” her I could have. She was beautiful. She was tall. And not too skinny but not too thick. And very like “model” like. In other words you could tell she was high maintenance and at first I was like WTF? But then I was like turned on and even extremely flattered that she was even paying attention to me! I was really, really, really, cute back then. I would never tell ANYONE this story. But then I have tried to kiss a girl? And? Nothing. It’s just not the same as kissing a big hulking guy. And I like to be the girl ya k
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That soft touching is not the same when it’s a girl doing it. Oh and I’m really attracted to girls that LOOK like girls and are in shape and stuff but have this “guy” aura about them. YOu know what I’m talking about. Like did you ever see the show on tv about that gay lady that had a gym? I was soooo attracted to her. So I don’t know. HOw confusing huh? But still. I like a man. I want penis. Lmao. And I want the soft touched coming from a rough hand ya know? What the turn on for me is that a man who is so not usually gentle BEING gentle with me. Showing his sensitive side. Women are SUPPOSED to be that way so it’s not a turn on. They are being as vulnerable by being soft as men are when they are being soft. Ya know. I can’t believe I’m having this whole conversation with myself. I’m certain my “secret” is a let down and you went and changed your notage and everything for me.!!!! You must have been SEVERELY curious. That’s cute! BOOP! Stupid Away!
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Baboo needs to man up and give you all you need. I’m kind of surprised that he can’t or hasn’t. I don’t know that a girl will be the fix, but it might be some fun trying. I’d apply, but the distance would be a problem.
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Not conceited, just confident.
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Wow- it seems like everyone is pretty much saying it all Monique. My 2 cents aren’t going to matter because it’s going to be the same. Just do it for you and no one else.
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