depression cocktail…

 

 

 

 

so this morning i woke up happy. "He" was there and that always makes me smile. I slept pretty good, considering and all was ok.

Then I lost my keys and left the house late.

Had to drive to work.

I had to take all of my loose change to pay the 5 dollar parking fee.

I was at work an hour and I got a call from Jon’s school… his eye was red and swollen and they thought it was something contagious, so i had to go get him.

This made me break down into tears. I am so overwhelmed and really, I have no one to just release it with. I feel bad talking about any of this with ANYONE.

So I left work without doing much work. Oddly, I wanted to be there, I wanted to be distracted with all of the stuff I had to do and the 40 emails i needed to read…

i get jonathon and we go to the dr.

first i went to the wrong place and had to walk across the damn campus to get to where i needed to be.

then i find out jonathon’s eye doesn’t really look like anything but MIGHT be pink eye. and the swollen part MIGHT be a bug bite. and if it gets worse, bring him back.

great.

I got a dr’s note for him and for me. so i can at least look like i did have a valid reason for only coming to work for a fucking hour.

now i’m home. I should do laundry or something.

but ya know what, i don’t want to and i won’t.

i’ll need something to do over the weekend, so there it is.

so now i’m home drinking horrible soda wanting to stab my face.

I want this feeling to go away.

It’s like despair and frustration and confusion and…. sadness all mixing together into a depression cocktail.

I hate it.

i feel so alone.

i’m going to eat some pudding.

just try and stop me!