crisis mode

Ugh, the air is thick with talks of lay offs.

It’s making me nervous.

They are asking us to take unpaid time off and stuff.

I suppose I’d be willing to do it as long as I was able to keep my job.

It makes me think long and hard about finances and crap.

Right now I’m cool, I even have some savings that only gets sucked down 80% when I pay for childcare (which should go down once my kids are in traditional school again. i hate year round bullkrappity!)… but yeah.

I am facing higher income and sales taxes from the state (and county), higher retirement contributions, forced unpaid time off (as much as 2 days a month, which equals over $200 bucks a paycheck, around $400 a month… ouch!), giving up my cost of living raises, and a demotion if none of that works. which will cut my pay about $600 dollars a month anyway.

fuck.

It’s hard to just… "go with it" when it feels so ominous. Nothing is set in stone until it happens.
i keep thinking about my damn credit, and what IF I have to move and try to get into an apartment, I’m boned down solid because I have a stupid collections thingie for a dumb apartment that charged me for time in the unit AFTER I had turned in my keys and was no longer there. It’s like $300 bucks right now.

I suppose I’ll be saving that up in the next few months and throwing it at them to at least get it wiped off my report.

I don’t know what to do.

it makes me all agitated.

blah.

I want to be calm.

I HAVE TO BE CALM.

Everything is going to work out.

Yeah, I’m probably going to have to take a pay cut right now. I can handle a couple hundred a month. hell, I HAVE TO handle it.

I’ll have to get rid of my "goodies" like Netflix and probably downgrade my phone to keep the one that has no data coverage so my phone bill can be like 30 bucks a month.

I mean, I can DO these things.

I just don’t want to.

I’m a brat. I don’t want to give up my cable internet.

I don’t want to give up being able to buy my kids new shoes or an outfit when I need to.

I don’t want to live off of beans and rice and spagetti.

I grew up  like that. I grew up putting tape over the holes in my shoes and wondering what sort of beans we were gonna get that day.

I don’t want to live like that.

I’m almost convinced I need to take a part time job, but when the hell would I do that? and how would it pay for anything except for the childcare I’d need while I was doing it?

I need to calm down.

NO REASON TO FREAK OUT RIGHT NOW.

Things could be ok.

I wonder where all that damn stimulus money that the president is throwing around is.

Throw some at california please.

*sigh*

I’m such a brat…

(and so funny i’m whining about baby this and baby that… but really, any "baby" that would occur is at least a year and a half from conception… so at least 2 years from an actual birth… who knows what things would be like then. ugh!)