Comfortable in Crazy

So…

how do you know when you are in love?

and how do you know when you’ve found that one?

and how how HOW do you know you’re not making a giant mistake?

I don’t think you’ll ever really KNOW… because you can feel things so CERTAINLY one second, and then it’s all smashed to hell in a blink of an eye. I’ve been there so many times it just seems lke that is the only thing I can know.

and that is : Nothing is promised, everything is temporary.

It’s sad to think this way.

I sorta wish I was more… optomistic. Oh well… whatever.

I’m actually trying to figure out how to classify my relationship with Baboo.

We have gotten to such a comfortable stage it scares me sometimes. Like.. is it so comfortable because we are so compatible? Or is it so comfortable because we don’t care?

I leave my underwear lying around so he can see it and comment on it. (i get all embarrassed afterwards and think "why didn’t I put that away?!!!)

We talk about having to poop. Almost all the time. (that shames me also. But we have a poop dialogue now, it’s quite disturbing. And yet, while it’s happening, i don’t think about it. till it’s over and i think "did i just get into a conversation with my boyfriend about my bowel movement frequency? oh sweet jesus in a manger!!!)

We laugh about farts and gross each other out. (and not just when we are drunk… One of the few things he said to me last night was "I could fart on you right now. Want me to?" ah! no! and sometimes he tickles me so much he makes me fart. it’s horrible… haha)

It feels like… if he’s gonna KNOW ME, then he’s gonna KNOW IT ALL. And if I’m gonna do the same then bring it on!

It doesn’t even really gross me out anymore, it just feels like… how it is.

And I wonder what it means.

I think too much.

I wish I could shut it off.

it’s not always BAD, but it can be quite annoying!

anyway, not sure why I’m even writing. Lunch in 15 minutes.

Oh Lean Cuisine… with your salsbury steak and your mac and cheese. I shall eat you, slowly, because if I eat you quickly, you do not fill me up and I’ll go on a hunt for cookies!!!!

Instead I shall cut you into tiny bits and NIBBLE NIBBLE NIBBLE.

I hate nibbling, but it’s one of the few tricks I know to make small amounts of food last long.

I cannot nibble salad.

That is almost impossible. I must scarf it down with giant leafy bites.

I shall have lots of salad this weekend. Especially since I don’t have much food.

ha ha.

The children will have food, but mommy will just stare longingly at their hot dogs.

hahaha I’m kidding.

sorta.

so yeah, this entry just diverted down a path of crazy.

but don’t most of my entries do that?

My brain is a wonderland of complete insanity.

I just called baboo a totally adorable lunatic.

and he is.

oh we two crazy, we two perfect.

I love him.

don’t tell him i said that. he gets all stupid and makes faces.

but wanna know what?

i know he loves me too.

see how i tied this entry up with a bow?

If only I had some pizza….