can I throw something at your face?

I am not having a good day.

I want to throw things around.

i can’t focus (what else is new), but it’s worse than normal.

I am so agitated.

I could blame it on the frappucino. but I can feel it coursing through my veins and that’s not really it.

I’m sick of my body.

I’m starting to worry.

Maybe I shouldn’t have mixed up all the urine from over night. Maybe that effected the results.

I shouldn’t have drank so much water (cuz now I’m reading that watered down urine can mess up the test, OH GOD WHATEVER!)

I have favs who, funny enough, know my period because it correlates in some way to theirs and they are all sure I’m "fine" or something.

but i feel CRAZY.

I keep running to the bathroom, AGAIN.

why me?! why?!

I wasn’t even WORRIED this month. and now this bullshit.

I just want to go home and lay down and sleep.

I want to stop thinking.

Why can’t I ever be just drama free?

I have beautifuly healthy (albeit insane) children.

I have one of the most amazing boyfriends I could have ever asked for.

I have a roof over my head and food for my family.

I still have a job (don’t ask me how scary that is right now, cuz the buzz is NOT very comforting)

I should be fine.

Instead I’m wondering if I have cancer or weird cysts or SOMETHING making my period go haywire.

I did NINE menstrual regularity tests putting in MONTHS worth of my periods and they are ALWAYS regular, on time, barely any fluctuation, most certainly no cycles for the last TWO YEARS that have lasted longer than 27 days, and here I am, on day 29 and what the fuck am I supposed to think when all the fucking pregnancy tests say NOPE, YOU’RE NOT BITCH, GET OVER IT.

i am so tired.