Broken down * grrr

 *grr of course it didn’t save right….

I’m still not going leaving here, but I’m feeling a strong urge to multi task.

It’s the charisma of the creator and the stability of the foundation. I appreciate that. I want to support that.

I’ll keep my empty castle. I’ll still be here.

I’ll cross post most things, but I have a feeling if OD doesn’t want to load, I’ll just say forget about it and only post in one place until the damn things decides to work.

I will come and read and note just as I always do.

but you can find me, if you do wander, under chaoticdream715

I reserved Chaosbride, but I dont’ think I’ll be writing in it, or at least not publically. It just doesn’t feel right to use that name anywhere else. I never have and I just don’t think I ever will.

I just got so upset yesterday when every time I tried to do something it errored. And the exception to that rule was a page loading, after several long minutes, and not knowing if I’d be able to note, or look at anything else afterwards.

That’s just frustrating.

I got hopeful… the whole "message from the diary master" made me hope. Why couldn’t he post in his diary? I don’t know. It probably wasn’t really a message from "him" anyway.

Regardless, it made me hope. the talks of maintenance and such. 

But what did it do?

It made things work okay for a few days, then back to broken normal.

I guess I feel like I deserve more.

and the person behind the other place is so … well… present. It is refreshing. Like drinking cool water instead of hot water.

Unless you like hot water.

ew.

So yeah. I’m over there. call me a traitor if you like.

lol

but i’m still here.

I’m a lifer fo sho.

but it’s sorta like having that old beat up jalopy that you had since you learned how to drive. It’s comfortable and you know how it works and every nook and cranny holds meaning. It doesn’t run all the time and you’re constantly throwing money at it and it just stays broken, but you LOVE THE DAMN THING. You made your babies in it, you birthed your babies in it. You cried in it. You laughed in it. You got sick in it. It was THE PLACE. Your old trusty reliable. You met all of your best friends in it. You met your husband in it. It’s not pretty anymore and it stinks, but it is still so very important.

But then you won a contest, and there is a shiny new model. It’s got gps and bells and whistles and every time you turn around there’s a new button or switch that makes it do something cool. It talks to you like the Knight Rider car and has smooth lines and smells good. But it’s weird there and every time you sit in the plush leather seats you cringe because they don’t have that stain from the one time you were eating that chili cheese burger or that broken knob you slammed off in anger or the crack in the windshield from when the baby threw a rattle at it. I mean, it’s sterile and clean and sparkly and you LOVE it, that new car smell… but something always calls you back to the jalopy.

and maybe you park the jalopy, put one of those cool covers on top to keep the dust and rats out. You go out and sit in it, rub on the peeling plastic, inhale the stench of time, cuddle up in the back seat and store things in the trunk.

But when it comes down to it, you head out in the new model.

and you are fine with that.

you can have your cake and eat it too.

AND WHY AM I WRITING IN THAT TENSE.

god that annoyed me.

 

just like trying to save this entry probably will.

 

i love you people.

i love you OD.

I’m still me.

I’m just driving a new model while I cherish my jalopy.

 

jalopy is a funny word huh.

 

 

 

 

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        Humanity Scar   

 

 

 

 <span style="font-family: Century Gothic”>(A zombie apocalypse survival diary, for your reading pleasure and future knowledge when they take over the world. Yes, I am the author.)