Birthday Parties and Zombie Sex

Ugh! I hate that I was thinking about writing something I wanted to write about last night and totally didn’t… and now I can’t remember what it was I was going to write about.

oh whatever. It was something interesting but for the life of me, I can’t remember what it is!

So I’m at work today.

Wheee! Or something.

I get off at 12:30ish. I have a lunch break that I’m just gonna meld into my additional time off. I bet I could jet out of here at noon and nobody would notice. both of the people above me are gone. So it would be easy.

but I’ll make sure all of my work is done first! ha ha.

Anyway, I decided on a plan this morning!

I’m going to give Jacob a little "surprise" party. I’m gonna get some balloons and some streamers and maybe a happy birthday sign and put it up in the living room. I’m gonna wrap his presents up real nice and make two little mini "goody" bags (so Jonathon can have one and won’t feel so left out, I know lame, but when you have more than one kids, it’s almost essential to include them). I also got an ice cream cake (jake picked it out) but I couldn’t find frosting to write his name (they only had pink and white, and the frosting is white, so yeah)… so he doesn’t think his name will be on it! I hope I can find some in a different store. I’m gonna look for some sort of cake decorations too.

So I’ll go home early and decorate the house. I’m gonna try to clean up their room too, so that it looks nice when they get in. I’ll put up the Star Wars poster he was given last weekend at my parents (I have another to give him with his gifts today). I think I’m also going to look for a little carrying case he can put all of his action figures in.

He likes having cases for stuff, so I think that will help him to not lose stuff quite so fast (though it WILL get lost! ha ha)

We will have Mcdonalds for dinner and I’ll let him watch movies.

Tomorrow we are going to see a real movie. He hasn’t chosen what he wants to see, but I’m going to try and get the matinee price wherever we end up.

I will also let him have movie popcorn if he wants.

And we may go have a meal at chili’s (one os his favorites restaurants) depending on how much of the birthday budget is left over.

So good times.

He’ll be excited to come home and see everything all decorated. He won’t expect it at all.

I just put in to get a good chunk of time off for Jonathon’s birthday. So we are going to have a beach day for him, but I might also do something else if I have money cuz he didn’t get a "real" birthday last year and I feel bad. heh.

anyway, that’s what is going through my head right now.

I really wish I could write about what I was thinking about yesterday.

ARGH!

Oh well.

Better get to work now so I can get out of here on time!

OH!!! I remember what it was! It was a movie I watched on my on demand last night! It was a zombie movied called "The Stink of Flesh"… and it was INSANITY.

Ok, so first off, there is a chick touching all over herself and she says "I have the itch, go find something for me to play with" to some guy she’s with.

So it goes to a  guy fighting the zombies with boxing gloves, a hammer, and nails. Yeah. he gets into fist fights with them and then nails into their heads to kill them. He saves this chick and runs to this house with this old man and two boys. He tries to have sex with the girl and she gets grossed out and tries to LEAVE with hordes of zombies outside.

dumb bitch.

so she lets them in and they eat her, the old man, and one of the boys.

Nail guy runs away leaving one of the boys hiding (mind you, it’s all really bad acting and low budget filiming)… until he runs by this truck and gets hit in the head with the door. It’s the guy from the beginning. He also has the boy who was hiding in the truck cab.

He ties up the nail guy and takes him to his woman, who is a sex addict and wants to bone him immediately. He gets in the tub cuz he stinks and she comes in all looking at him all crazy.

Mind you, this woman is not delicious.

Anyway, after he’s clean he goes and starts having sex with her all hardcore (lots of butt shots and screaming. ha ha) and suddenly someone runs in with one of those plastic race car tracks (like a piece of it) and slaps him on the ass. He screams and jumps up and its this other chick with a FACE ON HER SIDE… like a siamese twin… but just a face. and it’s all gross and drooly and green and weird.

And making a sound like "agagagagablagagagaslurpgagagg"

ha.

HORRIBLE MOVIE I TELL YOU.

Ok, anyway, he gets freaked out and she’s all "thats my part! I didn’t get to do my part!"

and so the guy is like… trying to fix it cuz he wants to keep having sex with the woman. So he’s like… saying hi to the face in the girls side (it’s name is dorothy, and the girls name is sassy) and it’s just really weird. And so he accepts that the girl gets off on spanking them…

right.

So the next day he’s outside with the husband guy and he tells them how he’s had an open relationship with her since before the zombie apocalypse.

And they are fighting zombies and stuff as they talk, just really surreal. so the husband guy shows nail guy a naked zombie chick he has in a shed tied up. and nail guy is all "she’d be really hot if she wasn’t decomposing"

*blink*

ANYWAY, so he gets to have sex with the wife more and get spanked by the mutant girl and whee it’s a good ole time.

meanwhile, the little boy who is obviously traumatized and doesn’t talk is just watching all of this play out.

Then along comes the military guys who got ambushed by the "hyper zombies" who move faster and are stronger. Most of their group gets killed, butthey save one guy who got bit.

For some dumb reason, they try to keep him alive thinking he’s gonna get better.

So head army guy and his co captain have sex with the lady like a tag team and get spanked and it’s a rabble rousing sex spree.

Oh, did I mention that the husband watches?

yeah.

So the co-cap starts to get attracted to the mutant chick, and even kisses the mutant face on her side… and it’s all drooly and gross!!! But he finds out that the mutant girl does not have any sex organs and so they can’t have actual sex.

Thank god they didn’t show what they actually did.

Meanwhile, their friend is dying and delirious and they are keeping a watch.

so the husband is upset because his wife is having sex with all these people and not him…

so he goes out and he keeps looking at the shed with the zombie hottie…

and he decides to go in and… you guessed it…

HAS ZOMBIE SEX WITH HER.

it’s horrible and she’s all green and blackened with nipple rings and yeah… zombie sex.

*blink*

He leaves looking all satisfied too.

Can you imagine rotting corpse sex?

I doubt it would be as good as he made it look.

Anyway, so we still see the boy looking around looking crazy.

So they see the bitten guy is gonna die soon. he’s puking up blood and stuff and so nail guy (who got kicked out of the sex circle, awww) is like "kill him!"

but the army guys won’t.

Till he wakes up and makes fun of the mutant girl and she stabs him with a scissors, and then they shoot her.

So they know both of them are going to turn into zombies, so they take them outside.

While this is happening, husband guy goes back for zombie sex seconds… and realizes someone has RELEASED HIS ZOMBIE SEX SLAVE!!!! She comes out of the shadows and eats him.

They flashback to the little boy… who is the one who releases the zombie!!!!

How he got away from her without getting eaten, is beyond me.

so the husband is dead.

Flash to the army guys and nail guy dragging the bodies outside.

the little boy locks them out. He’s probably 10 or so.

So it’s just him and the crazy sex wife inside.

So the co captain gets eaten.

zombies aree starting to flock.

Captain and nail guy are trying to get back in the house, but of course they are locked out.

so… they go looking for husband and find him getting eaten by sex slave.

They lock them both back in the shed.

*blink*

So THEN THE CAPTAIN TURNS ON NAIL GUY.

and he says "I’m the only one who gets to have sex with her!" and nail guy is "fine! just let me get my stuff!!!"

but the captain guy just starts punching him in the face!

so it’s a fight between the two of them, in the midst of a sea of zombies.

so they are swapping punching each other and then punching zombies.

IT’S RIDICULOUS.

They realize they are outnumbered and won’t get back to the house…

so they run away.

Yeah… they just run away down this dirt road.

And then we see the boy and the lady looking out the window looking all scared.

and the boy puts his hand into the ladys…

so he is either "yeah, now I have her all to myself" or he is like "now it’s just me and my new mommy against the world"

OR SOMETHING.

Who knows.

but that was one twisted crazy lame ass wonderful zombie movie.

the end.

 I probably wouldn’t buy it for my collection, but if someone gave it to me, I’d be happy.

ha ha.

Ok, I’m really going to go do some work now!